Things I should tell myself when I sin and can't get out

1. How I see things will change including God. Perspectives will be tainted, what I used to know will feel uncertain. But that does not mean God changed.

2. Some things are eternal, some are not. God is eternal, man is not. God's promise reverberates all over the universe, an irreversible divine seal that silences all heavens. Man's promise will sound hollow on earth's ground and can faint in time. So when you sin and you want to get right up by going back to His promises don't ever compare His intentions in His promises to a man's.

3. He calls me precious and beloved even in my ugliest state. No one would pick me up because of my filth. Only He would. Only He did. He loved me in my ugliest state, He can't love me more nor love me less.

4. I'm caught up in a battle of sin. But this is God's battle. And the battle's won 2000 years ago. Sin can entice me, touch me and delude me. But it can no longer enslave me.

5. There's no other hero. Who am I to think that someone else can save? Only God saves the day.

6. When I sin I'm so filled with guilt, the easiest route is to hide and stay away. I see Him as an all-flaming, powerful God ready to punish me. I'm afraid that God is gonna come after me. And my sin just keeps deluding me and keeps playing wrong pictures of God: The bible, sermons, Christian blogs and wisdom from spiritual family will suddenly feel contemptuous. They're gonna judge me. They're gonna command me to stop doing things I should not be doing. So I'm gonna hide out in my room. Not ready, hating myself, feeling like a failure. I would feel hopeless that I'm never gonna change. That Jesus picked the wrong girl to save, that He's gonna be humiliated because I'm not cross-material after all. But God's gonna come after me alright. As a loving, gentle, forgiving dad. He's gonna knock into my heart and He will be saying something like:

"Hey. You there? I brought you food. I'll be right here if you need me."

7. Stay the course. Even if you've been sinning, stay the course that leads to God. Even if it's just 30 seconds of prayer in your loveless and sinful state. Don't stop those prayers that consist only two words like, "help me." He's not gonna think to Himself "help your face." C'mom, you know your God better than that. And for all you know, help is on its way even before you uttered your prayers. You can't see it but because you belong to God, you're covered all along. Always have, always will.

8. So in my sinful state, He's not gonna demand I do great things and save myself. He's not gonna demand I change myself. He's not gonna accuse me that it's my fault for not memorizing His word. He'll be like  50FirstDates-- patient until I come to my senses and fall in love with Him again. In fact, He's more than that. He will be rewiring me while I sleep. Cleansing me even in those 30second prayers. He knows how the story will play out. He saved me. When you're saved, you're saved. There's not gonna be any twist or conflict that God overlooked.

9. Yes, absolutely He will deliver. Guaranteed He will renew your mind.

10. So get back up. Don't stay away from salvation. There's not gonna be guilt in His presence. Only love. Only grace.

11. God's love is a consuming fire. It's not gonna be in a passive state, standing on a corner waiting to be loved back. It will consume you. All of you. And you can never run away from that.

12. Finally, while you are overwhelmed with all these thoughts, look at the Cross. Don't be bored with the cross. Don't be unimpressed. Look at the cross long enough until you're "re-convinced" you are loved. If in your sinful state it's hard to appreciate the Cross, you believe it but the feeling is just not there, God will renew your mind anyway and when He does and you're back on your feet, still look at the Cross. It's because of that you were affirmed and reaffirmed.

"Do you still love me?"

She was rebellious when she was young. 
She couldn't remember how many times she ran away from her parents. She wouldn't see them for weeks and months.
One day, she was sitting atop the stairs of a hotel when her daddy found her. He asked softly, "Anak, do you still love me?"

She was irritated. She moved away stomping her feet. She hopped on a car and looked back at her daddy and saw him exactly how she left him, sitting there, looking confused and sad.  As the car took her away, he became a smaller and smaller figure until he vanished from her sight.

Years later she has gotten over the "running away" phase but was still rebellious this time directly against the One who created her. She ran away from Him all her life thinking she didn't need Him in her life. 

One day, she was sitting in a cafeteria inside a building. She needed to consult a professional regarding an ethical decision that needed to be made. But the man instead explained to her how hopeless she was because of those terrible things she did.  She felt fear quickly filling her up like water being poured over a glass. 
Fear of hopelessness. 
Fear of punishment. 
Fear of eternal damnation.
Fear of God.
Tears were welling up.
The man continued. 
The cafeteria was noisy and her tears were blurring everything.
But she heard the man say,
"...He died for you while you were still a sinner."

It reminded her of how a loving father sat beside a rebellious daughter atop the stairs of a hotel in the 90's. 
But in that cafeteria, with all her sins laid bare on the table, God too asked her what her daddy asked back then.

  
Except that it was a slightly different question. 

"Do you know I still love you?"

Psalm 139--a comfort even in daily trivialities

A large chunk of my score card at work depends on the result of customer surveys on my service.  The clincher is, no matter how you give your best, if the customer doesn’t feel like it, you will always get a zero.  

Earlier today we had our team meeting and I was bummed out because I received my first survey score out of the 4 surveys this month and it's a fail.  I knew already how it will significantly affect my scorecard and my incentives and it’s hard to be cheerful that moment.  After our meeting, I took my lunch break inside our company’s prayer room and talked to my Father in heaven. I told Him that I will need three perfect 10’s in order to maintain my high scores.  But I also told Him (more like reminding myself) that He is my boss and I will praise Him whether I flunk or I pass.  After lunch, we received an email on the latest update on our survey scores for the entire month.

And guess what? Three perfect 10’s for me!

I blinked back tears when it dawned on me that He has long answered my prayer before I even uttered it.

I couldn’t feel more secure than when I strongly feel that God is involved even in little events in my life.  Not just as a Spectator watching me quietly as I pray but Someone who..

knows when I sit down or stand up

knows my thoughts even when I’m far away

knows everything I do and what I am going to say even before I say it

goes before me and follows me

recorded every day of my life before it even happened.

Yes, it’s Psalm 139.  And like I said in my blog in the past, no one ever is going to be more involved in my life or your life than the Person described in this passage. 

Read it. Meditate it.  Even alter the pronouns and make it seem as if God’s talking to you.

I love it when He woos.  He’s the only Wooer who means every word.

His love is too lofty to understand!

Arms to run to

I am so irritated at the admin people in our place. They increased our homeowner's fee and then reduced their guards. So the most accessible gate will only be open two hours a day. Very, very inconvenient!

I didn't know about this until today. The shuttle service provided by the admin (not free) refused to drop me off at our place. They can only bring me to a corner which is still a street away from our unit which means i will still need to walk. I was complaining about this because 1. it is very hot and the street is not safe, 2. If they had announced this, I would have taken a cab instead of using their (of use but little use) shuttle.

But their men wouldn't budge. They adamantly refused to drop me right at our front.

I felt frustrated and harrassed as I walked the street at 12 noon when the sun is at its fiercest. When I turned to our corner, I was surprised at the strong feeling of relief and joy when I saw my papa and brother standing at our gate. I was like a baby girl complaining and whining to them about those bad men and this bad admin.

source

Out of this petty encounter, I was reminded of something huge. It's really a joy to run to someone who loves you when the world is against you. To have someone that is for you. To have someone who will eternally protect you.


Every time I encounter moments of feeling loved by the people in my life, there's always this extra heart beat I feel in my heart that is reserved for God.


Not because I am loved this much by these people. But because I am loved this much by these people AND YET no one in all universe ever can love greater, stronger, deeper, wider than God does.

And God does not love as if it's just one portion of His emotions.  My goodness, He IS LOVE! He is!


That's why my joy will always be this: I belong to Him.





"And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully..."
Ephesians 3:18-19

Involved! Way, way involved!

God is shockingly personal. 

Off the top of my head I named my top 5 persons that care about me. None of them compares to how God is so heavily involved in my life.

None of them would care the way He cares, would happily dream big dreams for me the way He does.  None of them would sink into concern deeper than what God feels about the matters of my life. And none of them would die for me.

For a God, I'm gonna say it again, He is shockingly personal!

Tell me, who is more involved in your life than the Person described in the text below?

You have searched me, LORD, 

   and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; 

   you perceive my thoughts from afar. 

You discern my going out and my lying down; 

  you are familiar with with all my ways. 

Before a word is on my tongue 

   you, LORD, know it completely. 

You hem me in behind and before, 

   and you lay your hand upon me. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

   too lofty for me to attain.

For you created my inmost being; 

   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

   your works are wonderful, 

   I know that full well. 

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place

   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; 

   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 

   before one of them came to be. 

— 

   when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-6 / 13-19

Two dads, a daughter and a car

One heavy PMS day, my face was glued to the PC as usual when papa lightly started a conversation with a, "nalulungkot ako..." which was unusual!  In less than 5 minutes, pent-up disappointment came hurling outta his mouth.  

He's disappointed with me.

He's always dreamed of owning a vehicle, for business and family use. And since God is entrusting the largest portion of our source of income to me, papa's disappointed that I'm not able to save up, that the seven 13th month paychecks that passed in and out of my bank account were all spent on "impalpable" blessings that we enjoyed naman.

I guess the issue is though I'm able to help sustain our day-to-day and monthly household expenses, I'm not able to save up for long-term family plans. I tried explaining that he shouldn't live in the past, that even though we make mistakes, God's plans for us cannot be thwarted. That grace is not time-constrained. 

Papa couldn't accept that.

He's so fixated on our unwise financial decisions: especially me who has an active social and extra-curricular life. He's NANGHIHINAYANG with the wasted years and the supposedly fat savings by now. While I was pointing out that greater things are still to come, papa seems to point out that na sa tao ang gawa, period. And if the tao did not gawa, you're dead. His reasoning and points kept separating career and money matters from spirituality...which is so wrong because if God is not Lord of ALL then He is not Lord at all.

It's funny that papa would discuss his long overdue dream car when just a few days ago I've been dreaming of having my own car. I even declared to my best friends that I will make lambing to God for a car, take driving lessons while waiting for it, save up and sit back, confident that Dad above will cover all the expenses. 

Anyway, today, I was on my way to Tagaytay with my small group. Road time is usually prayer time but today I was just gazing blankly at the scenery when an idea and a realization (totally unbidden!) popped into my head. I knew God was talking..His word speaking to my heart was forming a realization in my mind.

I realized that I need to humble myself first to admit that I did make a mistake, that I was indeed so foolish with my money. THEN, when I tell papa my plans to start over, it will be easier for him to see what I'm pointing out, which can be summed up in six words: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE GOD'S GRACE AND GENEROSITY.

So this is my conclusion.

I will make two commitments to two dads. One, to commit to my heavenly Father my plans to buy a car because He's the only One who has the ability to make our dreams come true. 

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16:3)

Second, I will commit to my earthly father that I will go for it. That I will discpline myself and really, really save for it.

And on the day we finally have a car, papa would probably smugly hug me and say something like, "See, I'm right, na sa tao ang gawa."  And I will definitely respond with, "I was right too when I said on an argumentative day of November 2010 that no mistakes in the past can limit what God can do for us in the future."

Some of you would think I'm assuming or crazy.  

All I can say is, I've seen my earthly dad giving in to my requests because he loves me and because I was so insistent and persistent. Yep, I've definitely seen my earthly dad try with all his might to give my requests even though his resources are limited (he'd even borrow money pa nga).

What more of my heavenly Dad who loves me more than my earthly dad does? My heavenly Dad who owns everything! Whose resources are limitless!

I dunno God's timing. Who does?

I only know that in Christ it's always a yes. If ever it's a no, trust me, it'll be a yes to something else, something much better.  Besides, no one will be put to shame whose hope is in His Name.

:)