Dream company

Browsing through my facebook today, I came across this:

If you are a friend of mine, you would know that ROHEI is my dream company.  Ever since I heard about it about 4 years ago, it is still my dream company.  

There are three things why ROHEI is my dream company:
1. It is founded and led by a woman who is deeply in love with Jesus
2. The company's core values are biblical
3. The nature of their business is to train and empower people

I did not finish school and ROHEI is based in Singapore--these are the reasons why I could not get in.  I tried to apply for an internship there, but they cater only to Singaporean students--two requirements I immediately failed.

Today, that post above reminded me again of my dream company.  But not to make me feel bitter, but to inspire me and to challenge me that if I am not getting in there, I am bringing my dream company in the current organization that I am part of right now.  

How? The answer is simple but the actual work is going to be hard.  I am going to live out in my current org the core values of this dream company.  See those in yellow below:

By God's grace.

Wasting 8 months

A little rundown:
I was handpicked to be a job coach apprentice last October 2012 and was to go back to my original role as a solicitor after 3 months.  But God did things a little different. I started the stint two months before the other apprentices began theirs. And I was requested to be extended for another 3 months, totaling 8 months of stint.  So yes, I was given an 8-month gift. An 8-month blessing.  And then on June 25, the job coach resigned and the post was opened to everyone. I submitted my application and was scheduled for an interview on Monday. And because of this interview, that's where the story in this post begins.

*******************

Yesterday morning, I was practicing my answers to possible interview questions and  was pleased with how i performed.  A thought suddenly entered my mind. Did that brief flash of confidence come from my being pleased with my abilities? I started to feel afraid. I'm afraid i'm relying on my own abilities instead of God. I did not want to enter any promise land apart from Him. And I was afraid I won't be allowed to enter the promise land because I was apart from Him.

I immediately put down my interview cue cards and sent a group txt to my key sisters in Christ (doc, van, jhapi, rakel, charm and lyt). I asked how do i know if I'm relying on God or on myself. Their responses vary but mostly boiled down to: your talents are from God. So when you rejoice over your talents, you know inside you it's a gift from God. 

But as I was reading their responses this morning, I can't relate to them.  Because this is how I understood it:
Do your best (this is all you) and God will do the rest (this is all Him) 

I realized I trust God only in things that I can't control like the result of my hard work. But on things that I CAN control such as THE work itself, I trusted myself.  So when I got good scores and stats, I definitely confused which of the trust I invested that paid off. Yep, God had to share my praises with myself. Apparently, He wasn't the only God in my heart. He had to share spaces with me.  And I was a lousy god. I couldn't take care of myself the way the real God can. Divide your trust, divide your praises afterwards.  Yup, that's exactly what happened to me.

This morning, through the combined insights of my spiritual sisters, I began seeing things this way:
Do your best - Through God. He will give you the talents, skills and even desire and power. Philippians 2:13
God will do the rest - All Him.


But what was really all Him, I made it all me. A few Him, sure. But mostly me.  That's where the mess began. The presence of pride is nothing aggressive outside. People still see me as that prayerful Christian. Outside is really nothing impactful. It's inside that you can never twist around. It's inside that causes the storms. It's inside that really matters. 

I started strong in this apprenticeship but did not stand strong and absolutely did not end strong.  God blessed me with this gift but because I messed it up it caused me griefs. I grieved because I wasted.

• Wasted opportunities to let Christ shine in the work that I do
• Wasted the joy of walking with the Lord and growing with Him.
• Wasted my praises. I praised my mentor for assisting me, covering my ass, teaching me, leading me---all the things that God is doing for me. 

And she did not know
    that it was I who gave her... Hosea 2:8

• Wasted all 8 months putting too much importance on myself and worshiping myself. 

I am however joyful because...

• I may have wasted the 8-month gift but it revealed a lot of bad stuff in my heart. And I mean big ones. I have listed 12 big, ugly stuff in my heart and kept them in my drafts to remind me. 
• God dealt with me patiently and kindly...more than what I deserved.  I am so disgusted by the condition of my heart I swear if I am god I will take the position away or orchestrate events that will embarrass me and make me come to my senses. Whew, I'm glad I'm not god. 
• With God, I can start again.  I can start all over again.
• God allowed me to go through this process. On October 1st, the day I was made apprentice, I only saw October 1st. I uttered huge promises and declared huge, empty praises on that day.  But while I was looking at the day ahead, God already saw the whole season, the whole 8 months. He knew I was gonna cheat on Him. He knew I was gonna walk out on Him. He knew I was gonna hide behind crisis prayers and whimsy praises to make it as if I was still walking with Him when really I was just simply praising myself and taking care of myself.  He knew all of that but He was gonna allow all that to happen. For a reason.  For some glorious reasons. I guess He really wasn't gonna be insecure about losing 8 months of faithfulness from me. I mean how can one be insecure about a few losses when you know you're God and You will always triumph in the end?  And if you're a Christian and a child of God, God's triumphs means good for you. Point is, I messed up but there seems to be a process that God is allowing me to go through.

So now I praise Him for all these painful revelations about who I really am. I am not ending this post declaring I was changed overnight. I am still digesting all these.  But I praise Him that He is a God who puts value to the beauty of a process.

So one thing's for sure though. 

I'm off to another great beginning. Not whether I become a job coach, heck, the reality of the things of God in my life makes this job coach opportunity pale in comparison.  But if I wasted 8 months of a blessing, I take delight in the fact that God does not waste anything. Something's brewing out of that 8 months. Think 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Apprenticeship key little learnings



What do people expect a person to learn in being an apprentice? Skills? Sure. But there's more to it than just skills...

* Don't be shy to speak but don't be aggressive. The best way to avoid both is to stop thinking this is about you.

* Never be rash. The best goal with the wrong means is not good. The best means with the wrong goal is equally bad.

* If you want to be afraid to learn, be afraid to make mistakes

* So try. Dare. Create. Not necessarily in that order.

* Apprenticeship is all about being an example and never about position. Yesterday, you too were not allowed in the sups' conference room. And the day will come when you will not be allowed back in there again. So stay humble.

* Knowledge is like underwear. People will know if you don't have one. So don't be afraid to ask time to look for the answer.

* A compliment can make your day. An accomplishment paves the way. Value what really lasts.

* So forget about the credit. Keep creating, keep solving, keep helping. The people you help will be the one to take care of your recognition for you without you asking for it or even without you knowing it.

* Be an authority or be a proof that anything is possible for those who try. Influence wisely.

* Don't confuse people with deliverables.

* Honor the process but don't disrepect people.

* It is still better to understand than to be understood. Listen. And use simple words.

* Practice the discipline of tweeting. People are busy and get dozens of emails all day.

* Be able. But be available also.

* You're not expected to be perfect. You're expected to be present.

* Don't just bring up an issue. Be part of the solution. Share your ideas!

* And be ready to be rejected too. Cheerful and ready.

* Don't be afraid to start at the bottom again. Some songs do make sense: It is the climb!

* The best way to be ungrateful to your mentor is to continue unchanged.

* Do the possible and God will do the impossible.

Now we're ready to talk about skills...

Work is worship

I was never a performer.  I was the rebellious type obsessed in defying authority.  But my spiritual life transformed how I work.

First, God changed my mindset towards work.  That work is worship.  Every work is a calling.  Suddenly blinders were shattered.  I no longer work for a lousy boss, I work for God.  I’m no longer paid by a world-renowned bank; God gives me stewardship on every amount that enters my ATM.  I’m no longer watched by CCTV cameras; God’s eyes are on me as I do my job. I no longer have to make an appointment to speak to our HR or Compliance Officer each time I have a complaint; I can call on my Chairman 24/7.  I no longer feel afraid that one day these outsourcing companies will take our jobs away and bring them back to their own country, God is my ultimate CEO.  And when I have urges to slack off, to be late a little, to have a little bit of overbreak, I remember the generosity of my God and how He rightfully deserves to be honored in everything that I do.

It’s quite a mindset blowup!

In 2011, I asked my small groups to pray that I will have good stats.  Good stats meant incentives. Unfortunately, I stayed not far from rank 50 out of 50 employees because I just didn't like what I do.

So we prayed for my stats.  But I mistakenly assumed that just because I’m a child of God, my stats would work for me…without really doing anything.  I prayed and prayed and nothing happened.  
I came running back to God asking what went wrong.  
He lovingly showed me that He was trying to give me opportunity to:
add another skill set, 
exert effort, 
be creative, 
be persevering.

To make long story short, I rose from top 50 to top 10 towards the beginning of 2012. 

When I shared this testimony to those people who prayed for me, I began with, if I ask God for extra money at work and He uses Chase to give me bonus, it’s so easy to think Chase as the Giver.  
But God did more than that. 
He made sure I know at the deepest part of my heart that what happened to me is beyond any human’s doing. He transformed my heart towards work.  Chase can’t do it for me. I can’t do it for myself. My small group can’t do it for me. He gave me joy in what I do. He strengthened me. He encouraged me. He didn't stop reminding me lovingly of my dreams and encouraged me to be patient where I’m at.

The result? The numbers and the blessings paled in comparison to how He completely changed my work life.

God gradually averted my focus on getting incentives. He did not take away the money, He simply destroyed the motivation I am getting from it.  So now I am motivated to work because I want to make God proud, to please Him. And blessings poured and it’s always more than enough.  I enjoyed it but not as much as the joy I find IN him alone.  I am enjoying Him in everything I do. 

I can’t disclose details of my job but my work has a lot to do with numbers that we can’t control. Too many times we gave our best efforts but the customers simply said no. 

Except that I know that it’s not in their hands. It’s in my God’s hands.  So instead of trying to please these customers and the demands of stats that are out of my control, I work to please the One who is in control.  You don't pursue excellence in order to please God. That's backwards. You please God by honoring Him in every thing you do and excellence follows. 

Looking back, one of the fatal misconceptions I had was that God doesn't give a rat about my career. As long as you're a good Christian, you do not need to bother God about your career, plans and dreams. 

How wrong, how wrong!

"...put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." - 1 Timothy6:17

I don't know about you but that speaks a whole lot about God caring about us! 

I wouldn't be foolish to go to anyone or anywhere else but that one Person,  the only One, who deeply wants me to soar and flourish. Not to mention that He's the only One able to do it. 

Philippines

As much as bulok and a laggard of Asia the

Philippines has been, I'm a Christian first, Filipino second. 

So it's easy to doubt that the president now can do what the others didn't. 

But it's much easier to believe that change can happen because I have a great God who can redeem and restore a nation.

#crazyenoughtobelieve

Not Manolo Blahnik shoes or a Birkin Bag..

...but this is my treasure.  My dreams. The second thing I live for. 

Early this Sunday morning, I asked ate to be online on Skype. We spoke in soft voices because everyone was still asleep, or so she thought.

Then I shifted the webcam to my left, and everybody sang, "Happy Birthday!"

Instead of birthday wishes that vanish in the air, we all bowed down and offered our birthday dreams for my ate to the Lord who we enthrone in our family.

Beautiful Sunday. Beautiful Birthday. Owing to the great truth that everything we enjoy is blood-bought.

Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.

- Psalm 34:3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ATE!!!

jen making ate laugh

taking their positions while I distract ate in Skype

Offering our birthday wishes for ate to the Lord

What makes me busy

Today, as I relish my day off, I realize that my facebook and internet activities are ABOUT the things that I value in my life.

God

Family

Relatives

Small group

Girlfriends

Kids Church

Education

These are where my time and energy and resources mostly go.  Not via facebook literally, hehe. 

So when there's an invitation that's not part of this list, they go to the bottom of my priorities.  If an office mate would invite me to watch movies after work on a Saturday, I remember my nephew Nate who stays with us during the weekends and how I only have four opportunities in one month to build a relationship with him.  

Or if cliques from high school would meet up for a drink on a night when I don't have to go anywhere, I imagine the expenses that can buy dinner for the family instead or that can buy something for a lonely tita that I care about.

See,  there are things that I don't do in order to do well what I need to do.  

We only have one life, 16 waking hours, two day off's a week and two paydays in a month.  

And we would want to make the most of it.

What, get a life?

I am.

This is my life: God, my loved-ones, my dreams.  These make me happy.  To live a life dedicated to building relationships within my ability and magnify Jesus' Name in stewardship and relationships.  And until He tells me to come and jump off the boat to a greater territory and greater responsibility, this is where I'm staying.  

- For where your treasure is there your heart will be -

Luke 12:34

Spilled milk and Crumbled cookies

source

You know what one other god that we easily worship? Its name is PLAN. Planning is good. It is wise. God actually advices us that we plan. It is when we box Him with our teeny plans that things start to mess up...beginning with our hearts. 


When we set our hearts on our plan, sometimes it tends to loom large over us obscuring our view of God. We intently follow it with our gaze even down to the ground when it spills or crumbles. The spilled milk and the crumbled cookie aren't just masters in making us cry. They also dash our hopes and make our attitudes rot.


Still, we refused to move on. It was a very good plan after all and every thing has been set. So much has been invested, so much has been sacrificed. We so worship our plans that it's hard to take our eyes off 'em--barely noticing the figure of the bigger One at the backdrop whom we have long stopped looking at the moment our plans became big, the One who's more than able to rebuild what's destroyed. 


Perhaps sometimes that's what happens. God judges the other gods in our hearts. Perhaps that's why He destroys something because it blocks our view of Him. Or perhaps He takes it away to give us an opportunity to experience something way better than our own plans.


I hate to be a prisoner of my own plans. I want to be free! Free to dream, free to plan, free to be frustrated, free to move on, free to be excited for new things over old ones, free to hope for greater things to come.


Wouldn't you love that freedom?


God invites us to cast our anxieties on Him, to commit our plans to Him, to trust that when things go wrong He can work things out for the good of those who love Him.




And I am freed every time I take His Word for it.




"Lord, teach me to find joy in spilled milk and crumbled cookies. May I see them as an opportunity to experience your doting kind of grace that will make me cry out, 'It turned out better than I could imagine!'"

Snorkeling!

Growing up in a family where you need to work to eat and you live paycheck to paycheck, I was programmed to believe that leisure is just an unnecessary expense and something to stay away from.  A mere suggestion of any type of leisure would earn disapproving looks from the old ones and would bombard you with so many sermons about how life is hard already as it is. 


We are born to suffer. We do not deserve any pleasure. 


This is one of the areas wherein Jesus shattered a wrong mindset.  It all started when my small group buddies Chikee and Doc Genesis took me to a vacation. 




Today I took one teenyweeny baby step towards my dream. I can't wait any longer. There's always some bill that gets in the way, some (seemingly always valid) excuse to procrastinate. I don't wanna wake up one day, gray-and-old thinking, "Wait, all this time I actually thought a day will come when there will be no more bills??"


No. So today I NIKE'd it.


"Just do it!"

2x + 6a equals, "Tutor, I don't know..." (blush)

DEAD!

Chasing after my 10 year-old dead dream...so hard, I'm scared. It's taking so long, I'm scared. Something might go wrong, I'm scared.  Holding on to Dad above, the only One who's able to give life to the dead (even dead dreams) and calls those things which do not exist (like a college diploma) as though they did.

-(romans 4:17)

My Dad above who has incredible dreams for me (1 Corinth 2:9)

AFRAID!

Fear is always related to future events.

"We may never know what the future holds, but at least we know Who holds it."(pastor paolo)

I know that God will not demand for me to be INSTANTLY and PERFECTLY brave at ALL TIMES in going after my dreams. But He will journey with me, instructing me and teaching me in the way I should go. And like a loving Dad that He is, His eyes will be upon me as I go (Psalm 32:8)

So if i get afraid...I will remember WHO is it that's walking with me, WHO is it that never leaves me nor forsakes me and then fear will melt into worship. 

EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANT!

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all

that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us…”

- Ephesians 3:20

"Dream big because your God is bigger than your biggest dream."

- The Fire House

I can forget all the equations and formulas but I will remember Your promises. I'm going to believe You, Lord. I will move and I will wait. Only through YOU I can do anything. :)

Two dads, a daughter and a car

One heavy PMS day, my face was glued to the PC as usual when papa lightly started a conversation with a, "nalulungkot ako..." which was unusual!  In less than 5 minutes, pent-up disappointment came hurling outta his mouth.  

He's disappointed with me.

He's always dreamed of owning a vehicle, for business and family use. And since God is entrusting the largest portion of our source of income to me, papa's disappointed that I'm not able to save up, that the seven 13th month paychecks that passed in and out of my bank account were all spent on "impalpable" blessings that we enjoyed naman.

I guess the issue is though I'm able to help sustain our day-to-day and monthly household expenses, I'm not able to save up for long-term family plans. I tried explaining that he shouldn't live in the past, that even though we make mistakes, God's plans for us cannot be thwarted. That grace is not time-constrained. 

Papa couldn't accept that.

He's so fixated on our unwise financial decisions: especially me who has an active social and extra-curricular life. He's NANGHIHINAYANG with the wasted years and the supposedly fat savings by now. While I was pointing out that greater things are still to come, papa seems to point out that na sa tao ang gawa, period. And if the tao did not gawa, you're dead. His reasoning and points kept separating career and money matters from spirituality...which is so wrong because if God is not Lord of ALL then He is not Lord at all.

It's funny that papa would discuss his long overdue dream car when just a few days ago I've been dreaming of having my own car. I even declared to my best friends that I will make lambing to God for a car, take driving lessons while waiting for it, save up and sit back, confident that Dad above will cover all the expenses. 

Anyway, today, I was on my way to Tagaytay with my small group. Road time is usually prayer time but today I was just gazing blankly at the scenery when an idea and a realization (totally unbidden!) popped into my head. I knew God was talking..His word speaking to my heart was forming a realization in my mind.

I realized that I need to humble myself first to admit that I did make a mistake, that I was indeed so foolish with my money. THEN, when I tell papa my plans to start over, it will be easier for him to see what I'm pointing out, which can be summed up in six words: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE GOD'S GRACE AND GENEROSITY.

So this is my conclusion.

I will make two commitments to two dads. One, to commit to my heavenly Father my plans to buy a car because He's the only One who has the ability to make our dreams come true. 

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16:3)

Second, I will commit to my earthly father that I will go for it. That I will discpline myself and really, really save for it.

And on the day we finally have a car, papa would probably smugly hug me and say something like, "See, I'm right, na sa tao ang gawa."  And I will definitely respond with, "I was right too when I said on an argumentative day of November 2010 that no mistakes in the past can limit what God can do for us in the future."

Some of you would think I'm assuming or crazy.  

All I can say is, I've seen my earthly dad giving in to my requests because he loves me and because I was so insistent and persistent. Yep, I've definitely seen my earthly dad try with all his might to give my requests even though his resources are limited (he'd even borrow money pa nga).

What more of my heavenly Dad who loves me more than my earthly dad does? My heavenly Dad who owns everything! Whose resources are limitless!

I dunno God's timing. Who does?

I only know that in Christ it's always a yes. If ever it's a no, trust me, it'll be a yes to something else, something much better.  Besides, no one will be put to shame whose hope is in His Name.

:)