Purpose

Weird riddles. Do you ever get the feeling that you're in a series of weird riddles? It's like being handed a piece of paper in the middle of the street and you know the message is clear but standing there you don't know how and where to go from there.

I know some people would dismiss you by saying stop over-analyzing and just go! But let's face it it's not always easy to put your life on hold: jobs, bills, family, etc. Only because there were no clear directives for you (yet)-- just the general message sent to everyone else: the Great Commission.

So you really don't know where to start.

From time to time a person hears God's voice and would know exactly what he's about to do next. So we hear stories in action like the Brandeis testimony. Or a mission trip. But for the rest of us we continue with our lives, we commute to work Mondays to Fridays, we recharge on Sundays, we pay rents and save for whatever, we dream and plan and continue with our lives knowing the Call, but not yet knowing how to do what exactly.

I myself am surrounded with riddles: the burden I feel for my family and relatives to be reached, the hype in church about discipling the next person i encounter that encourages me to be friends with the cashier, the great work my small groups are faced with and responsibilities to share, the stirring in my heart to give my best in doing the things I'm gifted with at work in honor of my Giver, etc.

These are my riddles. All mean the same thing but they haven't unfolded yet that one thing, that specific purpose prepared for each one of us even before the world began.

If you're like me, who plans her days and life hoping someday things would fall into place and i would know specifically what is it that God wants me to do, be encouraged beloved. Praise God who is obviously birthing His desires in your heart. It may not be clear right now and all you get are riddles. But cherish the burdens you feel--as in don't ignore it. As in actively pursue it by praying for it and even talking to your trusted friend about it. As in fan the flame. As in meditate on what God has been doing in your life and what pattern He seems to be showing you.

One day you will get a vision too. One day I will clearly hear His voice too. But while it's not one day yet, live up to the Great Commission in whatever role God gives you to play be it as a daughter, employee, friend, etc.

And I've learned over and over that loving people is the best way to disciple (hard i know but gooood opportunity to operate on grace).

(Sorry for the long post. These are my raw thoughts this evening. Was reading my journals and was feeling impatient to know what's out there in my Judea but was encouraged too to see the progress in my Jerusalem)

"What's on my mind..." as Facebook tempts

I just read this and i loved it. I have forgotten that I slapped my own sister on my birthday. 

I used to hate it when people (MYSELF INCLUDED) post statuses of where they are, what they're doing, what happened to them, etc. I politely read it in my desktop or mobile phone but with a slight upward twitch in my left eyebrow, which can be interpreted in two words only: "who cares?" 

I just think it's purposeless. It doesn't help the world. That's why when I feel the pull of disdain for self-absorbed blogging or facebooking, I filter my audience to the people in my life who I think would care and would only make my posts public if the topic is not about me. Well yeah, still, me hypocrite. 

So when I read my friend's blog above, I remember again that nothing better captures conveniently the exact feelings, reflexes and thoughts on a certain moment than real-time FB posts or tweet. It will not change the world or cheer up another soul.  It won't elicit overwhelmed responses and will be easily forgotten as the reader moves on to the next feed. But if you're like me-- who wants a cheap wedding but is willing to blow a year's salary for a team of reputable videographers and photographers because when I'm 80 years old I don't want to relive that special day in my mind by hugging an expensive wedding dress. Instead, I want to sit in our sala and watch the video filled with both the significant and insignificant moments of our wedding, well-captured by the videographers the way I instructed 80 years ago-- well, if you're that type of person who likes to preserve moments and memories, FB posts and tweets may not be purposeless after all. Before the internet age, I was already doing this through classic notebook diaries. But now it's more alive and more convenient when it's on the net. 

Like what I said in my 'About Me' portion of this blog, I am my biggest blog reader. Seriously, I would read past posts over and over. I have read my entire FB posts since the day I joined in one sitting, twice already. Partly, because I like reading the word play. But that was just a very small part. The biggest reason is it's like watching a movie called your life. And I love reliving memories especially now that I'm in a relationship with God.

The huge ones, life-and-death matters we will always remember off the top of our head. But the little ones, we usually forget.  And sometimes it's these little ones that speak a lot about what's going on in your life. Like realizing there's so much love in my life after I read my sister's post about how I slapped her on my birthday.

Weak desires

Struck me how misrepresented You are to us. 

For many years, never did I realize that You are actually a joyful God. 

In fact, your passion for joyful things is so great it cost you Your Son, Your own life. 

The only reason I resisted You was because You seemed to forbid a lot of things.

Casual sex

Alcohol

Drugs

Green jokes

* Prada, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik

* Apple, Android

I could name a lot of things we give all our hearts to. 

Things we fight with all our heart.

with all our lives. 

Things that cost us everything even our relationships. 

Things that in the end could not satiate the deep hunger in us. 

Things that we really think give us joy. 

Now I know why You say no. 

We are attracted to shallow, temporal and measurable joy

When, really, only One joy is infinite. 

That's You.

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” 

- CS Lewis

* God does not exactly forbid these things. 

But when we find satisfaction in them more than in Him, 

that's when God opposes it.

A puddle of grasp of an ocean of love

I wasn't purchased 

with gold or silver. 

I was purchased 

by the blood 

of the Son of the Most High.

So much was paid 

for a worthless speck of dust 

like me.

And I thought 

the sea was too great, 

when what I'm looking at 

was just a tiny piece 

of the waters of the earth.

The same way I am overwhelmed 

with Your love 

I think already oh so big 

when, really, this is but 

a glimpse.