Wasting 8 months

A little rundown:
I was handpicked to be a job coach apprentice last October 2012 and was to go back to my original role as a solicitor after 3 months.  But God did things a little different. I started the stint two months before the other apprentices began theirs. And I was requested to be extended for another 3 months, totaling 8 months of stint.  So yes, I was given an 8-month gift. An 8-month blessing.  And then on June 25, the job coach resigned and the post was opened to everyone. I submitted my application and was scheduled for an interview on Monday. And because of this interview, that's where the story in this post begins.

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Yesterday morning, I was practicing my answers to possible interview questions and  was pleased with how i performed.  A thought suddenly entered my mind. Did that brief flash of confidence come from my being pleased with my abilities? I started to feel afraid. I'm afraid i'm relying on my own abilities instead of God. I did not want to enter any promise land apart from Him. And I was afraid I won't be allowed to enter the promise land because I was apart from Him.

I immediately put down my interview cue cards and sent a group txt to my key sisters in Christ (doc, van, jhapi, rakel, charm and lyt). I asked how do i know if I'm relying on God or on myself. Their responses vary but mostly boiled down to: your talents are from God. So when you rejoice over your talents, you know inside you it's a gift from God. 

But as I was reading their responses this morning, I can't relate to them.  Because this is how I understood it:
Do your best (this is all you) and God will do the rest (this is all Him) 

I realized I trust God only in things that I can't control like the result of my hard work. But on things that I CAN control such as THE work itself, I trusted myself.  So when I got good scores and stats, I definitely confused which of the trust I invested that paid off. Yep, God had to share my praises with myself. Apparently, He wasn't the only God in my heart. He had to share spaces with me.  And I was a lousy god. I couldn't take care of myself the way the real God can. Divide your trust, divide your praises afterwards.  Yup, that's exactly what happened to me.

This morning, through the combined insights of my spiritual sisters, I began seeing things this way:
Do your best - Through God. He will give you the talents, skills and even desire and power. Philippians 2:13
God will do the rest - All Him.


But what was really all Him, I made it all me. A few Him, sure. But mostly me.  That's where the mess began. The presence of pride is nothing aggressive outside. People still see me as that prayerful Christian. Outside is really nothing impactful. It's inside that you can never twist around. It's inside that causes the storms. It's inside that really matters. 

I started strong in this apprenticeship but did not stand strong and absolutely did not end strong.  God blessed me with this gift but because I messed it up it caused me griefs. I grieved because I wasted.

• Wasted opportunities to let Christ shine in the work that I do
• Wasted the joy of walking with the Lord and growing with Him.
• Wasted my praises. I praised my mentor for assisting me, covering my ass, teaching me, leading me---all the things that God is doing for me. 

And she did not know
    that it was I who gave her... Hosea 2:8

• Wasted all 8 months putting too much importance on myself and worshiping myself. 

I am however joyful because...

• I may have wasted the 8-month gift but it revealed a lot of bad stuff in my heart. And I mean big ones. I have listed 12 big, ugly stuff in my heart and kept them in my drafts to remind me. 
• God dealt with me patiently and kindly...more than what I deserved.  I am so disgusted by the condition of my heart I swear if I am god I will take the position away or orchestrate events that will embarrass me and make me come to my senses. Whew, I'm glad I'm not god. 
• With God, I can start again.  I can start all over again.
• God allowed me to go through this process. On October 1st, the day I was made apprentice, I only saw October 1st. I uttered huge promises and declared huge, empty praises on that day.  But while I was looking at the day ahead, God already saw the whole season, the whole 8 months. He knew I was gonna cheat on Him. He knew I was gonna walk out on Him. He knew I was gonna hide behind crisis prayers and whimsy praises to make it as if I was still walking with Him when really I was just simply praising myself and taking care of myself.  He knew all of that but He was gonna allow all that to happen. For a reason.  For some glorious reasons. I guess He really wasn't gonna be insecure about losing 8 months of faithfulness from me. I mean how can one be insecure about a few losses when you know you're God and You will always triumph in the end?  And if you're a Christian and a child of God, God's triumphs means good for you. Point is, I messed up but there seems to be a process that God is allowing me to go through.

So now I praise Him for all these painful revelations about who I really am. I am not ending this post declaring I was changed overnight. I am still digesting all these.  But I praise Him that He is a God who puts value to the beauty of a process.

So one thing's for sure though. 

I'm off to another great beginning. Not whether I become a job coach, heck, the reality of the things of God in my life makes this job coach opportunity pale in comparison.  But if I wasted 8 months of a blessing, I take delight in the fact that God does not waste anything. Something's brewing out of that 8 months. Think 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Apprenticeship key little learnings



What do people expect a person to learn in being an apprentice? Skills? Sure. But there's more to it than just skills...

* Don't be shy to speak but don't be aggressive. The best way to avoid both is to stop thinking this is about you.

* Never be rash. The best goal with the wrong means is not good. The best means with the wrong goal is equally bad.

* If you want to be afraid to learn, be afraid to make mistakes

* So try. Dare. Create. Not necessarily in that order.

* Apprenticeship is all about being an example and never about position. Yesterday, you too were not allowed in the sups' conference room. And the day will come when you will not be allowed back in there again. So stay humble.

* Knowledge is like underwear. People will know if you don't have one. So don't be afraid to ask time to look for the answer.

* A compliment can make your day. An accomplishment paves the way. Value what really lasts.

* So forget about the credit. Keep creating, keep solving, keep helping. The people you help will be the one to take care of your recognition for you without you asking for it or even without you knowing it.

* Be an authority or be a proof that anything is possible for those who try. Influence wisely.

* Don't confuse people with deliverables.

* Honor the process but don't disrepect people.

* It is still better to understand than to be understood. Listen. And use simple words.

* Practice the discipline of tweeting. People are busy and get dozens of emails all day.

* Be able. But be available also.

* You're not expected to be perfect. You're expected to be present.

* Don't just bring up an issue. Be part of the solution. Share your ideas!

* And be ready to be rejected too. Cheerful and ready.

* Don't be afraid to start at the bottom again. Some songs do make sense: It is the climb!

* The best way to be ungrateful to your mentor is to continue unchanged.

* Do the possible and God will do the impossible.

Now we're ready to talk about skills...

Missing cash

When someone stole the cash in the safe where my sister works she, along with her co-managers, were detained and questioned.  It was 19 days before her wedding which I have been organizing in the last four months.  It was supposed to be a surprise renewal of vows that her husband wants to give her during their visit in Manila last month. But because of the problem that Ate encountered at work, it was no longer a surprise. 

I was going to bbm her to ask her to bring mini-chocolates that I will use on the wedding table when I noticed that her bbm status said, "In times like this, You are in control."

I asked her what's with her status and that's when she told me what happened. Someone in their company stole the cash.  All managers are suspect.  She was detained inside the precinct for 7 hours and we exchanged bbm messages the entire 7 hours praising God, trusting that He will vindicate the innocent, confident that this incident is not something that God overlooked. 

Still, there's no brushing off the nervousness. 

What's going to happen to the wedding?

Are they gonna take my ate's job away?

Are they going to throw them into prison?

I will never forget the look on her face the following evening when she made an overseas call to Manila to ask me to go on Skype. She burst into tears as she pleaded with me to cancel everything because they're not letting her go home.

But my heart was steadfast in the Lord, trusting Him. I know He never miscalculates. I know He's the authority of all authorities. I know He's attracted to the oppressed.  I know the wedding is not my plan nor my brother-in-law's plan. It's His. So I was absolutely "un-hopeless".  Nervous, yes. But trusting. 

They took my sister's passport away. And they gave her and the others two options only: prosecution and jail or pay the missing cash.

For days, we kept praying. One afternoon that week, she bbm'd me saying that they're on their way to sign a paper agreeing to pay. I sent lotsa bbm saying to wait for the Lord.  My belief was God is ultra-generous. He will vindicate my sister without costing her money.  But my sister said she felt that that's what she needed to do and she found peace in it. 

So they signed and then she was allowed to go home, 3 days before her wedding. 

I consulted with my small group because I was a little confused with what happened.

Why would God allow this inconvenience if the wedding is His idea after all? Why let ate pay?

Their answers,

1. That nation loves obedience. Ate, like her Savior, displayed humility and obedience instead of defiance.  The character of her Savior shined in her before these people who haven't heard about Jesus.

2. She paid for what she didn't owe, trusting God will replace it, even in doubles.

3. God didn't waste her money. He used the opposition to build a muscles of faith in Ate.

As Ate was quoted as saying on the dawn of her wedding day, when she and our other sister went down to the beach and lifted up our hands in worship. 
God, through this missing cash, taught her dependence on Him. 
That He easily gave this job to her and He can easily take it away. 

Her faith in Him is more precious than that missing cash.

"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold..."

- 1 Peter 1:7

Work is worship

I was never a performer.  I was the rebellious type obsessed in defying authority.  But my spiritual life transformed how I work.

First, God changed my mindset towards work.  That work is worship.  Every work is a calling.  Suddenly blinders were shattered.  I no longer work for a lousy boss, I work for God.  I’m no longer paid by a world-renowned bank; God gives me stewardship on every amount that enters my ATM.  I’m no longer watched by CCTV cameras; God’s eyes are on me as I do my job. I no longer have to make an appointment to speak to our HR or Compliance Officer each time I have a complaint; I can call on my Chairman 24/7.  I no longer feel afraid that one day these outsourcing companies will take our jobs away and bring them back to their own country, God is my ultimate CEO.  And when I have urges to slack off, to be late a little, to have a little bit of overbreak, I remember the generosity of my God and how He rightfully deserves to be honored in everything that I do.

It’s quite a mindset blowup!

In 2011, I asked my small groups to pray that I will have good stats.  Good stats meant incentives. Unfortunately, I stayed not far from rank 50 out of 50 employees because I just didn't like what I do.

So we prayed for my stats.  But I mistakenly assumed that just because I’m a child of God, my stats would work for me…without really doing anything.  I prayed and prayed and nothing happened.  
I came running back to God asking what went wrong.  
He lovingly showed me that He was trying to give me opportunity to:
add another skill set, 
exert effort, 
be creative, 
be persevering.

To make long story short, I rose from top 50 to top 10 towards the beginning of 2012. 

When I shared this testimony to those people who prayed for me, I began with, if I ask God for extra money at work and He uses Chase to give me bonus, it’s so easy to think Chase as the Giver.  
But God did more than that. 
He made sure I know at the deepest part of my heart that what happened to me is beyond any human’s doing. He transformed my heart towards work.  Chase can’t do it for me. I can’t do it for myself. My small group can’t do it for me. He gave me joy in what I do. He strengthened me. He encouraged me. He didn't stop reminding me lovingly of my dreams and encouraged me to be patient where I’m at.

The result? The numbers and the blessings paled in comparison to how He completely changed my work life.

God gradually averted my focus on getting incentives. He did not take away the money, He simply destroyed the motivation I am getting from it.  So now I am motivated to work because I want to make God proud, to please Him. And blessings poured and it’s always more than enough.  I enjoyed it but not as much as the joy I find IN him alone.  I am enjoying Him in everything I do. 

I can’t disclose details of my job but my work has a lot to do with numbers that we can’t control. Too many times we gave our best efforts but the customers simply said no. 

Except that I know that it’s not in their hands. It’s in my God’s hands.  So instead of trying to please these customers and the demands of stats that are out of my control, I work to please the One who is in control.  You don't pursue excellence in order to please God. That's backwards. You please God by honoring Him in every thing you do and excellence follows. 

Looking back, one of the fatal misconceptions I had was that God doesn't give a rat about my career. As long as you're a good Christian, you do not need to bother God about your career, plans and dreams. 

How wrong, how wrong!

"...put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." - 1 Timothy6:17

I don't know about you but that speaks a whole lot about God caring about us! 

I wouldn't be foolish to go to anyone or anywhere else but that one Person,  the only One, who deeply wants me to soar and flourish. Not to mention that He's the only One able to do it.