Nervous speaker

I had my speech demo today. If i pass this i will get a training on communication skills courtesy of my company. I was ready to invest money on a speech club and here is a free training knocking on my door. But of all days, I started the day wrong today. First, I woke up late after staying up till 5 in the morning finishing the last leg of our 3 week old laundry. Then, I had a coat and shoes crisis. And then i became frustrated I didn't have enough time to spend time with God, and not enough time to practice my prepared speech. I was in a surly mood as I pressured everybody to get in the car. My family was gracious. Mom did not aggravate the pressure I was feeling. Jen prayed for my speech demo before papa drove off. Papa drove really fast trying to get me there on time.

By the time I arrived at the venue, my nervousness has catapulted to a level that is physically weakening. I had a few more minutes to practice so I started cramming. But a sleepy feeling suddenly embraced me. I whispered to God that I couldn't do this. Help me.

When my name was called, i started out as nervous like any normal human being. Then my nervousness dissolved. And i was speaking. Then, I took my notes away and I spoke. I smiled, I gestured, i looked at the eyes of the interviewers. I had vivid recollection of my material. And I just went on and on.

That is not to say the interviewers did not find areas for opportunity.  They did. But the point is, there's this peace that is beyond understanding that took over.

My God never fails. He came through for me. He is always ready to help...always glad to help.

9/22 4:47
CBTL, Burgos Circle

God is the ultimate dreamgiver

This year is a very memorable year for me.  It all started when my small group leader, Doc Gen, shared her testimony about her desire to get her masters in the US.  It was financially and really just simply impossible.  But God came through for her.  I was encouraged so I started praying for my career too.  My specific prayer was 1. to be promoted, 2. to get free travel courtesy of the company training.  I prayed for New Zealand and Australia after seeing a lot of the pictures of my Facebook friend, Tracy, who currently lives in New Zealand.  I find these places very beautiful because of its landscapes.

I prayed ceaselessly and even added a prayer widget on my phone. In August, I was promoted.  And still the prayers continued asking God to take me to New Zealand or Australia courtesy of my company.

One day I was 4 hours early at work and decided to find an empty conference room to pray.  For some reason I uttered the words, “Sige, Lord, kahit US pwede na.” (Ok, Lord, US will do) and didn’t give it much thought. Two hours after that prayer, my VP called me up for a meeting and informed me to start preparing because they are sending me to the US by October.

So in the next posts I will be documenting this trip highlighting the grace of God all over.  It was my first international travel, I want to keep going back and relive everything.

:)

Wasting 8 months

A little rundown:
I was handpicked to be a job coach apprentice last October 2012 and was to go back to my original role as a solicitor after 3 months.  But God did things a little different. I started the stint two months before the other apprentices began theirs. And I was requested to be extended for another 3 months, totaling 8 months of stint.  So yes, I was given an 8-month gift. An 8-month blessing.  And then on June 25, the job coach resigned and the post was opened to everyone. I submitted my application and was scheduled for an interview on Monday. And because of this interview, that's where the story in this post begins.

*******************

Yesterday morning, I was practicing my answers to possible interview questions and  was pleased with how i performed.  A thought suddenly entered my mind. Did that brief flash of confidence come from my being pleased with my abilities? I started to feel afraid. I'm afraid i'm relying on my own abilities instead of God. I did not want to enter any promise land apart from Him. And I was afraid I won't be allowed to enter the promise land because I was apart from Him.

I immediately put down my interview cue cards and sent a group txt to my key sisters in Christ (doc, van, jhapi, rakel, charm and lyt). I asked how do i know if I'm relying on God or on myself. Their responses vary but mostly boiled down to: your talents are from God. So when you rejoice over your talents, you know inside you it's a gift from God. 

But as I was reading their responses this morning, I can't relate to them.  Because this is how I understood it:
Do your best (this is all you) and God will do the rest (this is all Him) 

I realized I trust God only in things that I can't control like the result of my hard work. But on things that I CAN control such as THE work itself, I trusted myself.  So when I got good scores and stats, I definitely confused which of the trust I invested that paid off. Yep, God had to share my praises with myself. Apparently, He wasn't the only God in my heart. He had to share spaces with me.  And I was a lousy god. I couldn't take care of myself the way the real God can. Divide your trust, divide your praises afterwards.  Yup, that's exactly what happened to me.

This morning, through the combined insights of my spiritual sisters, I began seeing things this way:
Do your best - Through God. He will give you the talents, skills and even desire and power. Philippians 2:13
God will do the rest - All Him.


But what was really all Him, I made it all me. A few Him, sure. But mostly me.  That's where the mess began. The presence of pride is nothing aggressive outside. People still see me as that prayerful Christian. Outside is really nothing impactful. It's inside that you can never twist around. It's inside that causes the storms. It's inside that really matters. 

I started strong in this apprenticeship but did not stand strong and absolutely did not end strong.  God blessed me with this gift but because I messed it up it caused me griefs. I grieved because I wasted.

• Wasted opportunities to let Christ shine in the work that I do
• Wasted the joy of walking with the Lord and growing with Him.
• Wasted my praises. I praised my mentor for assisting me, covering my ass, teaching me, leading me---all the things that God is doing for me. 

And she did not know
    that it was I who gave her... Hosea 2:8

• Wasted all 8 months putting too much importance on myself and worshiping myself. 

I am however joyful because...

• I may have wasted the 8-month gift but it revealed a lot of bad stuff in my heart. And I mean big ones. I have listed 12 big, ugly stuff in my heart and kept them in my drafts to remind me. 
• God dealt with me patiently and kindly...more than what I deserved.  I am so disgusted by the condition of my heart I swear if I am god I will take the position away or orchestrate events that will embarrass me and make me come to my senses. Whew, I'm glad I'm not god. 
• With God, I can start again.  I can start all over again.
• God allowed me to go through this process. On October 1st, the day I was made apprentice, I only saw October 1st. I uttered huge promises and declared huge, empty praises on that day.  But while I was looking at the day ahead, God already saw the whole season, the whole 8 months. He knew I was gonna cheat on Him. He knew I was gonna walk out on Him. He knew I was gonna hide behind crisis prayers and whimsy praises to make it as if I was still walking with Him when really I was just simply praising myself and taking care of myself.  He knew all of that but He was gonna allow all that to happen. For a reason.  For some glorious reasons. I guess He really wasn't gonna be insecure about losing 8 months of faithfulness from me. I mean how can one be insecure about a few losses when you know you're God and You will always triumph in the end?  And if you're a Christian and a child of God, God's triumphs means good for you. Point is, I messed up but there seems to be a process that God is allowing me to go through.

So now I praise Him for all these painful revelations about who I really am. I am not ending this post declaring I was changed overnight. I am still digesting all these.  But I praise Him that He is a God who puts value to the beauty of a process.

So one thing's for sure though. 

I'm off to another great beginning. Not whether I become a job coach, heck, the reality of the things of God in my life makes this job coach opportunity pale in comparison.  But if I wasted 8 months of a blessing, I take delight in the fact that God does not waste anything. Something's brewing out of that 8 months. Think 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Ate's wedding in Boracay

Haven't blogged for a while. Sooo busy. Soo blessed!

The gift of Small Group

photo by maryann

I praise God for how our small group evolved! We're no longer contained in that mini table in a cramped starbucks. A small group friend is indeed a lifetime gift. We don't cherish that gift by polishing it with an attendance. We cherish not the session but the person--

• being interested in the going-on's of her life
• rejoicing when it's time to rejoice 
• mourning when it's time to mourn
• rebuking in love
• ..but would rather win the person and not the argument
• building her up enthusiastically
• encouraging her dreams
• ..and especially who she is in Christ
• and at the end of the day talking to God about her. 

In other words, RELATIONSHIP. :). 


I'm a product of small groups.  The existence of a spiritual family in my life puts me in a strong current that leads to God.  It becomes the trend in my life. It feeds the majority of my brains with the things of God. It's my training ground and my relaxing ground.  Because the battlefield is really outside the Church. In fact,I can't imagine how many times I have come crawling back to my small group--wounded, torn, shaken, confused and discouraged. In life there's only one thing that we need to remember to fight a good fight and keep the faith: who God is.


But we all always forget.


That's why I am so thankful that this group is strategically placed in my life by God to regularly remind me of who He is.


There's really nothing magical about this group. We may be just a bunch of ladies who care about each other just like any other groups out there, sure. 


But one thing, one very important thing holds us up together. And that's Christ Himself.


Apart from Him, we'd crumble as easily as a piece of Polvoron dropped on the floor.




So if you currently have a small group, cherish them, love them, they are a beautiful gift from God. 


If you do not have a small group yet, I encourage you to pray to God for it. Community is God's idea. And when it's His idea I guarantee you that there are plans and promises that He will bring forth through it. :)

"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."

Hebrews 10:25

A glimpse at a gift

source

That's exactly what it feels like.  




Today, it struck me (after getting out of the bathroom I had to pause from changing clothes and went to a spot where I cried and thanked Jesus repetitively) to realize how these specific prayers in the past are underway:


1. Prayer: My cousin ate Mitch and her family to be found by Christ and to know God for who He really is.


What's happening now: 
All the kids in their household were sent to a kids bible camp of CCF and they plan to do this again.  One of the teens wants to join Kids Church in teaching kids.




2. Prayer: Mocha to be delivered from her relationship with a same-sex friend


What's happening now: 
They broke up last week.  6 months ago when we were relaxing in a resort Mocha said that if she will pray to God her prayer would be, "Lord if You think this relationship is not right, take it away. But let it come from her not me because I can't leave her." And in February of this year her partner got attracted to a young girl and began building relationship in the last two months with that young girl while she's still with Mocha.




3. Prayer: Lord save my family. Let them enjoy Your glory while they are still on earth.


What's happening now: 
My youngest sister accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior last year. 
My older sister was awestruck in January of this year when what Jesus did on the cross sunk in and she is slowly but steadily getting to know more about God. 
My mom listens and participates in our discussions about God and I couldn't help but notice how she agrees with what's being taught in the church that we go to which was different from her church.
It is very, very difficult for me to honor my parents because of our dark past. But my perfect Father in heaven is enabling me, slowly but steadily, to honor my earthly parents.  When I was in high school i would tell the people I know that I don't have a mom because of this hatred for her.  A week ago I posted a picture of her that has her best angle in my facebook wall. People liked the picture. But beyond that picture where people cannot see was a startling reality that I love my mom and when before I was ashamed of her now I want to brag about her.




I am expectant, gleefully waiting to watch God bring supernatural levels of reconciliation in my family. 








Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 
-Romans 12:12

2011 Monumental Stones

So much blessings! 

Here are just the few that I was able to have a picture for:

My Donsol trip. First plane ride, first snorkeling experience, first whale sharks, first enlightening travel.

cousins spent their summer at home. Super fun!

formed a small group at work

Super grand family reunion in Subic

saw BRIGS after a while

bb for christmas

brigs thankful getaway

Family Getaway

5am - Sambang Gabi, Every Nation Building

6am - SLEX

10am - Brunch Buffet at Josephine's, Tagaytay

2pm - Check-in at Club Balai Isabel, Batangas

Faithful...even when we're faithless

Today I saw another display of God's faithfulness and mercy.

JD or Stephen Jacob

happy birthday!

Never forgetting that everything I am enjoying is blood-bought!

created by my teammate

But really, I didn't have a fancy cake nor a grand party. But my birthday will always be this great as long as the five reasons in this video are present (the fifth one is outside the country, actually.)

my very loving parents

my brother

I was sick

jen

I'm a papa's girl!

my little sister's sweet side

This is where my heart is...

Brigs getaway

BRIGS is a group of friends from my past job 5 years ago.  We got that name from a private joke ü

We hardly see one another but amazingly the connection is still there, strongly there.

On this get-together we're celebrating two birthdays, a promotion and

an all-expense paid trip to Paris

and most of all, we're celebrating our God, who's been generous with us even though we do not deserve it.  

bed n bfast

happy day!

me and mocha

Brigs with jho

mocha and ega enjoying jacuzzi

in the middle of wilderness a group of girls can be heard laughing boisterously

Ega, Raquel, Enna, Mocha

FACE WARP!!!

These friends of mine are oh so worth treasuring!

some of the pics of the place we stayed in

love you brigs

Ain't done..

Oh I love it na when God says, " Wait, I'm not yet done."

When things get too tough and I'd run to God, time and again He'd speak to my heart, "Wait, I'm not yet done."

God doesn't remove the circumstances to show you the true conditions of your heart...because He wants to fix you. So when He says He's not yet done (no matter how hard things can get), you'd be sure to believe that He has something good (always) in store for you. May niluluto Sya, ika nga. You can't help but look forward to it. The faith in your heart makes you forget the suffering. Because you're confident na basta in Christ, victory is already waiting in the end of whatever situation you're in. 

Truly we're never put to shame when our hope is in His Name. 

The same way when all seems to be going my way, I run to God and thank Him for all the blessings.  And, really, I'd get blessed, one after the other!!!  It's like it's not stopping.  It's like He's telling me, "Wait, I'm not yet done..."  ♥♥♥