God is the ultimate dreamgiver

This year is a very memorable year for me.  It all started when my small group leader, Doc Gen, shared her testimony about her desire to get her masters in the US.  It was financially and really just simply impossible.  But God came through for her.  I was encouraged so I started praying for my career too.  My specific prayer was 1. to be promoted, 2. to get free travel courtesy of the company training.  I prayed for New Zealand and Australia after seeing a lot of the pictures of my Facebook friend, Tracy, who currently lives in New Zealand.  I find these places very beautiful because of its landscapes.

I prayed ceaselessly and even added a prayer widget on my phone. In August, I was promoted.  And still the prayers continued asking God to take me to New Zealand or Australia courtesy of my company.

One day I was 4 hours early at work and decided to find an empty conference room to pray.  For some reason I uttered the words, “Sige, Lord, kahit US pwede na.” (Ok, Lord, US will do) and didn’t give it much thought. Two hours after that prayer, my VP called me up for a meeting and informed me to start preparing because they are sending me to the US by October.

So in the next posts I will be documenting this trip highlighting the grace of God all over.  It was my first international travel, I want to keep going back and relive everything.

Purpose

Weird riddles. Do you ever get the feeling that you're in a series of weird riddles? It's like being handed a piece of paper in the middle of the street and you know the message is clear but standing there you don't know how and where to go from there.

I know some people would dismiss you by saying stop over-analyzing and just go! But let's face it it's not always easy to put your life on hold: jobs, bills, family, etc. Only because there were no clear directives for you (yet)-- just the general message sent to everyone else: the Great Commission.

So you really don't know where to start.

From time to time a person hears God's voice and would know exactly what he's about to do next. So we hear stories in action like the Brandeis testimony. Or a mission trip. But for the rest of us we continue with our lives, we commute to work Mondays to Fridays, we recharge on Sundays, we pay rents and save for whatever, we dream and plan and continue with our lives knowing the Call, but not yet knowing how to do what exactly.

I myself am surrounded with riddles: the burden I feel for my family and relatives to be reached, the hype in church about discipling the next person i encounter that encourages me to be friends with the cashier, the great work my small groups are faced with and responsibilities to share, the stirring in my heart to give my best in doing the things I'm gifted with at work in honor of my Giver, etc.

These are my riddles. All mean the same thing but they haven't unfolded yet that one thing, that specific purpose prepared for each one of us even before the world began.

If you're like me, who plans her days and life hoping someday things would fall into place and i would know specifically what is it that God wants me to do, be encouraged beloved. Praise God who is obviously birthing His desires in your heart. It may not be clear right now and all you get are riddles. But cherish the burdens you feel--as in don't ignore it. As in actively pursue it by praying for it and even talking to your trusted friend about it. As in fan the flame. As in meditate on what God has been doing in your life and what pattern He seems to be showing you.

One day you will get a vision too. One day I will clearly hear His voice too. But while it's not one day yet, live up to the Great Commission in whatever role God gives you to play be it as a daughter, employee, friend, etc.

And I've learned over and over that loving people is the best way to disciple (hard i know but gooood opportunity to operate on grace).

(Sorry for the long post. These are my raw thoughts this evening. Was reading my journals and was feeling impatient to know what's out there in my Judea but was encouraged too to see the progress in my Jerusalem)

When it feels like you disciple in vain

:)

Wasting 8 months

A little rundown:
I was handpicked to be a job coach apprentice last October 2012 and was to go back to my original role as a solicitor after 3 months.  But God did things a little different. I started the stint two months before the other apprentices began theirs. And I was requested to be extended for another 3 months, totaling 8 months of stint.  So yes, I was given an 8-month gift. An 8-month blessing.  And then on June 25, the job coach resigned and the post was opened to everyone. I submitted my application and was scheduled for an interview on Monday. And because of this interview, that's where the story in this post begins.

*******************

Yesterday morning, I was practicing my answers to possible interview questions and  was pleased with how i performed.  A thought suddenly entered my mind. Did that brief flash of confidence come from my being pleased with my abilities? I started to feel afraid. I'm afraid i'm relying on my own abilities instead of God. I did not want to enter any promise land apart from Him. And I was afraid I won't be allowed to enter the promise land because I was apart from Him.

I immediately put down my interview cue cards and sent a group txt to my key sisters in Christ (doc, van, jhapi, rakel, charm and lyt). I asked how do i know if I'm relying on God or on myself. Their responses vary but mostly boiled down to: your talents are from God. So when you rejoice over your talents, you know inside you it's a gift from God. 

But as I was reading their responses this morning, I can't relate to them.  Because this is how I understood it:
Do your best (this is all you) and God will do the rest (this is all Him) 

I realized I trust God only in things that I can't control like the result of my hard work. But on things that I CAN control such as THE work itself, I trusted myself.  So when I got good scores and stats, I definitely confused which of the trust I invested that paid off. Yep, God had to share my praises with myself. Apparently, He wasn't the only God in my heart. He had to share spaces with me.  And I was a lousy god. I couldn't take care of myself the way the real God can. Divide your trust, divide your praises afterwards.  Yup, that's exactly what happened to me.

This morning, through the combined insights of my spiritual sisters, I began seeing things this way:
Do your best - Through God. He will give you the talents, skills and even desire and power. Philippians 2:13
God will do the rest - All Him.


But what was really all Him, I made it all me. A few Him, sure. But mostly me.  That's where the mess began. The presence of pride is nothing aggressive outside. People still see me as that prayerful Christian. Outside is really nothing impactful. It's inside that you can never twist around. It's inside that causes the storms. It's inside that really matters. 

I started strong in this apprenticeship but did not stand strong and absolutely did not end strong.  God blessed me with this gift but because I messed it up it caused me griefs. I grieved because I wasted.

• Wasted opportunities to let Christ shine in the work that I do
• Wasted the joy of walking with the Lord and growing with Him.
• Wasted my praises. I praised my mentor for assisting me, covering my ass, teaching me, leading me---all the things that God is doing for me. 

And she did not know
    that it was I who gave her... Hosea 2:8

• Wasted all 8 months putting too much importance on myself and worshiping myself. 

I am however joyful because...

• I may have wasted the 8-month gift but it revealed a lot of bad stuff in my heart. And I mean big ones. I have listed 12 big, ugly stuff in my heart and kept them in my drafts to remind me. 
• God dealt with me patiently and kindly...more than what I deserved.  I am so disgusted by the condition of my heart I swear if I am god I will take the position away or orchestrate events that will embarrass me and make me come to my senses. Whew, I'm glad I'm not god. 
• With God, I can start again.  I can start all over again.
• God allowed me to go through this process. On October 1st, the day I was made apprentice, I only saw October 1st. I uttered huge promises and declared huge, empty praises on that day.  But while I was looking at the day ahead, God already saw the whole season, the whole 8 months. He knew I was gonna cheat on Him. He knew I was gonna walk out on Him. He knew I was gonna hide behind crisis prayers and whimsy praises to make it as if I was still walking with Him when really I was just simply praising myself and taking care of myself.  He knew all of that but He was gonna allow all that to happen. For a reason.  For some glorious reasons. I guess He really wasn't gonna be insecure about losing 8 months of faithfulness from me. I mean how can one be insecure about a few losses when you know you're God and You will always triumph in the end?  And if you're a Christian and a child of God, God's triumphs means good for you. Point is, I messed up but there seems to be a process that God is allowing me to go through.

So now I praise Him for all these painful revelations about who I really am. I am not ending this post declaring I was changed overnight. I am still digesting all these.  But I praise Him that He is a God who puts value to the beauty of a process.

So one thing's for sure though. 

I'm off to another great beginning. Not whether I become a job coach, heck, the reality of the things of God in my life makes this job coach opportunity pale in comparison.  But if I wasted 8 months of a blessing, I take delight in the fact that God does not waste anything. Something's brewing out of that 8 months. Think 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Why I don't always have my happy place

My Happy Place is that moment of overwhelming, deeply delightful communion with God where it shakes my soul to the core I know I'm ready to die right there and then.

Devotions Aren't Magic

by Jon Bloom | May 3, 2010

We know that—for the most part. But still, we can be tempted to think that if we just figure out the secret formula—the right mixture of Bible meditation and prayer—we will experience euphoric moments of rapturous communion with the Lord. And if that doesn’t happen, our formula must be wrong.

The danger of this misconception is that it can produce chronic disappointment and discouragement. Cynicism sets in and we give up because devotions don't seem to work for us.

The longing for intimate communion with God is God-given. He will satisfy it fully some day. And the Spirit gives us occasional tastes. But God has other purposes for us in our daily Bible meditation and prayer. Here are a few:

1. Soul Exercise (1 Corinthians 9:24, Romans 15:4): We exercise our bodies to increase strength, endurance, promote general health, and keep unnecessary weight off. Devotions are like exercise for our souls. They force our attention off of self-indulgent distractions and pursuits and on to God’s purposes and promises. If we neglect this exercise we will go to pot.
   
   
2. Soul Shaping (Romans 12:2): The body will generally take the shape of how we exercise it. Running shapes one way, weight training shapes another way. The same is true for the soul. It will conform to how we exercise (or don’t exercise) it. 
   
   
3. Bible Copiousness (Psalm 119:11, Psalm 119:97, Proverbs 23:12): A thorough, repeated, soaking in the Bible over the course of years increases our body of biblical knowledge, providing fuel for the fire of worship and increasing our ability to draw from all parts of the Bible in applying God’s wisdom to life.
   
   
4. Fight Training (Ephesians 6:10-17): Marines undergo rigorous training in order to so ingrain their weapons knowledge that when suddenly faced with the chaos of combat they instinctively know what to do. Similarly, devotions make us more skilled warriors. 
   
   
5. Delight Cultivation (Psalm 37:3-4, James 4:8, Psalm 130:5): When a couple falls in love there are hormonal fireworks. But in marriage they must cultivate delight in one another. It is the consistent, persistent, faithful, intentional, affectionate pursuit of one another during better and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and healthy times that cultivates a capacity for delight in each other far deeper and richer than the fireworks phase. Similarly, devotions are one of the ways we cultivate delight in God. Many days it may seem mundane. But we will be surprised at the cumulative power they have to deepen our love for and awareness of Him.

Source

Apprenticeship key little learnings



What do people expect a person to learn in being an apprentice? Skills? Sure. But there's more to it than just skills...

* Don't be shy to speak but don't be aggressive. The best way to avoid both is to stop thinking this is about you.

* Never be rash. The best goal with the wrong means is not good. The best means with the wrong goal is equally bad.

* If you want to be afraid to learn, be afraid to make mistakes

* So try. Dare. Create. Not necessarily in that order.

* Apprenticeship is all about being an example and never about position. Yesterday, you too were not allowed in the sups' conference room. And the day will come when you will not be allowed back in there again. So stay humble.

* Knowledge is like underwear. People will know if you don't have one. So don't be afraid to ask time to look for the answer.

* A compliment can make your day. An accomplishment paves the way. Value what really lasts.

* So forget about the credit. Keep creating, keep solving, keep helping. The people you help will be the one to take care of your recognition for you without you asking for it or even without you knowing it.

* Be an authority or be a proof that anything is possible for those who try. Influence wisely.

* Don't confuse people with deliverables.

* Honor the process but don't disrepect people.

* It is still better to understand than to be understood. Listen. And use simple words.

* Practice the discipline of tweeting. People are busy and get dozens of emails all day.

* Be able. But be available also.

* You're not expected to be perfect. You're expected to be present.

* Don't just bring up an issue. Be part of the solution. Share your ideas!

* And be ready to be rejected too. Cheerful and ready.

* Don't be afraid to start at the bottom again. Some songs do make sense: It is the climb!

* The best way to be ungrateful to your mentor is to continue unchanged.

* Do the possible and God will do the impossible.

Now we're ready to talk about skills...

"What's on my mind..." as Facebook tempts

I just read this and i loved it. I have forgotten that I slapped my own sister on my birthday. 

I used to hate it when people (MYSELF INCLUDED) post statuses of where they are, what they're doing, what happened to them, etc. I politely read it in my desktop or mobile phone but with a slight upward twitch in my left eyebrow, which can be interpreted in two words only: "who cares?" 

I just think it's purposeless. It doesn't help the world. That's why when I feel the pull of disdain for self-absorbed blogging or facebooking, I filter my audience to the people in my life who I think would care and would only make my posts public if the topic is not about me. Well yeah, still, me hypocrite. 

So when I read my friend's blog above, I remember again that nothing better captures conveniently the exact feelings, reflexes and thoughts on a certain moment than real-time FB posts or tweet. It will not change the world or cheer up another soul.  It won't elicit overwhelmed responses and will be easily forgotten as the reader moves on to the next feed. But if you're like me-- who wants a cheap wedding but is willing to blow a year's salary for a team of reputable videographers and photographers because when I'm 80 years old I don't want to relive that special day in my mind by hugging an expensive wedding dress. Instead, I want to sit in our sala and watch the video filled with both the significant and insignificant moments of our wedding, well-captured by the videographers the way I instructed 80 years ago-- well, if you're that type of person who likes to preserve moments and memories, FB posts and tweets may not be purposeless after all. Before the internet age, I was already doing this through classic notebook diaries. But now it's more alive and more convenient when it's on the net. 

Like what I said in my 'About Me' portion of this blog, I am my biggest blog reader. Seriously, I would read past posts over and over. I have read my entire FB posts since the day I joined in one sitting, twice already. Partly, because I like reading the word play. But that was just a very small part. The biggest reason is it's like watching a movie called your life. And I love reliving memories especially now that I'm in a relationship with God.

The huge ones, life-and-death matters we will always remember off the top of our head. But the little ones, we usually forget.  And sometimes it's these little ones that speak a lot about what's going on in your life. Like realizing there's so much love in my life after I read my sister's post about how I slapped her on my birthday.

Things I should tell myself when I sin and can't get out

1. How I see things will change including God. Perspectives will be tainted, what I used to know will feel uncertain. But that does not mean God changed.

2. Some things are eternal, some are not. God is eternal, man is not. God's promise reverberates all over the universe, an irreversible divine seal that silences all heavens. Man's promise will sound hollow on earth's ground and can faint in time. So when you sin and you want to get right up by going back to His promises don't ever compare His intentions in His promises to a man's.

3. He calls me precious and beloved even in my ugliest state. No one would pick me up because of my filth. Only He would. Only He did. He loved me in my ugliest state, He can't love me more nor love me less.

4. I'm caught up in a battle of sin. But this is God's battle. And the battle's won 2000 years ago. Sin can entice me, touch me and delude me. But it can no longer enslave me.

5. There's no other hero. Who am I to think that someone else can save? Only God saves the day.

6. When I sin I'm so filled with guilt, the easiest route is to hide and stay away. I see Him as an all-flaming, powerful God ready to punish me. I'm afraid that God is gonna come after me. And my sin just keeps deluding me and keeps playing wrong pictures of God: The bible, sermons, Christian blogs and wisdom from spiritual family will suddenly feel contemptuous. They're gonna judge me. They're gonna command me to stop doing things I should not be doing. So I'm gonna hide out in my room. Not ready, hating myself, feeling like a failure. I would feel hopeless that I'm never gonna change. That Jesus picked the wrong girl to save, that He's gonna be humiliated because I'm not cross-material after all. But God's gonna come after me alright. As a loving, gentle, forgiving dad. He's gonna knock into my heart and He will be saying something like:

"Hey. You there? I brought you food. I'll be right here if you need me."

7. Stay the course. Even if you've been sinning, stay the course that leads to God. Even if it's just 30 seconds of prayer in your loveless and sinful state. Don't stop those prayers that consist only two words like, "help me." He's not gonna think to Himself "help your face." C'mom, you know your God better than that. And for all you know, help is on its way even before you uttered your prayers. You can't see it but because you belong to God, you're covered all along. Always have, always will.

8. So in my sinful state, He's not gonna demand I do great things and save myself. He's not gonna demand I change myself. He's not gonna accuse me that it's my fault for not memorizing His word. He'll be like  50FirstDates-- patient until I come to my senses and fall in love with Him again. In fact, He's more than that. He will be rewiring me while I sleep. Cleansing me even in those 30second prayers. He knows how the story will play out. He saved me. When you're saved, you're saved. There's not gonna be any twist or conflict that God overlooked.

9. Yes, absolutely He will deliver. Guaranteed He will renew your mind.

10. So get back up. Don't stay away from salvation. There's not gonna be guilt in His presence. Only love. Only grace.

11. God's love is a consuming fire. It's not gonna be in a passive state, standing on a corner waiting to be loved back. It will consume you. All of you. And you can never run away from that.

12. Finally, while you are overwhelmed with all these thoughts, look at the Cross. Don't be bored with the cross. Don't be unimpressed. Look at the cross long enough until you're "re-convinced" you are loved. If in your sinful state it's hard to appreciate the Cross, you believe it but the feeling is just not there, God will renew your mind anyway and when He does and you're back on your feet, still look at the Cross. It's because of that you were affirmed and reaffirmed.