One heavy PMS day, my face was glued to the PC as usual when papa lightly started a conversation with a, "nalulungkot ako..." which was unusual! In less than 5 minutes, pent-up disappointment came hurling outta his mouth.
He's disappointed with me.
He's always dreamed of owning a vehicle, for business and family use. And since God is entrusting the largest portion of our source of income to me, papa's disappointed that I'm not able to save up, that the seven 13th month paychecks that passed in and out of my bank account were all spent on "impalpable" blessings that we enjoyed naman.
I guess the issue is though I'm able to help sustain our day-to-day and monthly household expenses, I'm not able to save up for long-term family plans. I tried explaining that he shouldn't live in the past, that even though we make mistakes, God's plans for us cannot be thwarted. That grace is not time-constrained.
Papa couldn't accept that.
He's so fixated on our unwise financial decisions: especially me who has an active social and extra-curricular life. He's NANGHIHINAYANG with the wasted years and the supposedly fat savings by now. While I was pointing out that greater things are still to come, papa seems to point out that na sa tao ang gawa, period. And if the tao did not gawa, you're dead. His reasoning and points kept separating career and money matters from spirituality...which is so wrong because if God is not Lord of ALL then He is not Lord at all.
It's funny that papa would discuss his long overdue dream car when just a few days ago I've been dreaming of having my own car. I even declared to my best friends that I will make lambing to God for a car, take driving lessons while waiting for it, save up and sit back, confident that Dad above will cover all the expenses.
Anyway, today, I was on my way to Tagaytay with my small group. Road time is usually prayer time but today I was just gazing blankly at the scenery when an idea and a realization (totally unbidden!) popped into my head. I knew God was talking..His word speaking to my heart was forming a realization in my mind.
I realized that I need to humble myself first to admit that I did make a mistake, that I was indeed so foolish with my money. THEN, when I tell papa my plans to start over, it will be easier for him to see what I'm pointing out, which can be summed up in six words: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE GOD'S GRACE AND GENEROSITY.
So this is my conclusion.
I will make two commitments to two dads. One, to commit to my heavenly Father my plans to buy a car because He's the only One who has the ability to make our dreams come true.
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16:3)
Second, I will commit to my earthly father that I will go for it. That I will discpline myself and really, really save for it.
And on the day we finally have a car, papa would probably smugly hug me and say something like, "See, I'm right, na sa tao ang gawa." And I will definitely respond with, "I was right too when I said on an argumentative day of November 2010 that no mistakes in the past can limit what God can do for us in the future."
Some of you would think I'm assuming or crazy.
All I can say is, I've seen my earthly dad giving in to my requests because he loves me and because I was so insistent and persistent. Yep, I've definitely seen my earthly dad try with all his might to give my requests even though his resources are limited (he'd even borrow money pa nga).
What more of my heavenly Dad who loves me more than my earthly dad does? My heavenly Dad who owns everything! Whose resources are limitless!
I dunno God's timing. Who does?
I only know that in Christ it's always a yes. If ever it's a no, trust me, it'll be a yes to something else, something much better. Besides, no one will be put to shame whose hope is in His Name.
:)
