Nervous speaker

I had my speech demo today. If i pass this i will get a training on communication skills courtesy of my company. I was ready to invest money on a speech club and here is a free training knocking on my door. But of all days, I started the day wrong today. First, I woke up late after staying up till 5 in the morning finishing the last leg of our 3 week old laundry. Then, I had a coat and shoes crisis. And then i became frustrated I didn't have enough time to spend time with God, and not enough time to practice my prepared speech. I was in a surly mood as I pressured everybody to get in the car. My family was gracious. Mom did not aggravate the pressure I was feeling. Jen prayed for my speech demo before papa drove off. Papa drove really fast trying to get me there on time.

By the time I arrived at the venue, my nervousness has catapulted to a level that is physically weakening. I had a few more minutes to practice so I started cramming. But a sleepy feeling suddenly embraced me. I whispered to God that I couldn't do this. Help me.

When my name was called, i started out as nervous like any normal human being. Then my nervousness dissolved. And i was speaking. Then, I took my notes away and I spoke. I smiled, I gestured, i looked at the eyes of the interviewers. I had vivid recollection of my material. And I just went on and on.

That is not to say the interviewers did not find areas for opportunity.  They did. But the point is, there's this peace that is beyond understanding that took over.

My God never fails. He came through for me. He is always ready to help...always glad to help.

9/22 4:47
CBTL, Burgos Circle

I hate my bestfriend's boyfriend

Today, I feel very convicted. It was my friendt R's bday and I dread seeing her boyfriend there.  Just like any blood and tight girlfriends, i'm protective of her. I think R is too good for her. He was separated, focused on his collection of chickens more than the annulment and he swears a lot and said a lot of obscene words to R when he accused her of changing his facebook password. My point is, if he is treating her that way already out of a very trivial matter then how is he going to react or treat her if it is a huge matter. Would he start beating up R soon? So i refused to be in the same room with her boyfriend...so much i was willing to miss Z's baby shower and R's 30th bday.

Good thing Z did not invite him.  But he did show up at R's bday of course.  I didn't know how to act around him. I don't want to be friendly lest he thinks everything's ok and hurting R again will be ok. So i did what every coward girl would do: pretend he did not exist. Not even if he was standing right there before me.  And in that brief moment i felt the firm tugs of conviction.

As we made our way to our car, i kept thinking about what just happened. We were on our way to attend the 8pm service and it was a good 30 minute drive...enough for God to talk to me.

1. God calls me to forgive...not to save.
2. Jesus would never ignore any person
3. I can be there for R without necessarily agreeing with her
4. R is too good for him but Jesus is too good for me too, isn't he? Yet Jesus entered into a relationship with me anyway.