#Saturdaynightgoals. Lol.

• Movie Binge
• Holiday leftovers

Ohana

We went over to Papa's side of clan to celebrate the holidays.  Papa, Mama and Jen picked me up at work...(yes I celebrated NY eve at work!).  After a couple of stops at Starbucks and The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (I'm a CBTL fan and would insist on looking for this whenever there's only Starbucks around the block) to perk ourselves up.

We sang using Jen's magic sing and played a group game with my cousins.  The best part was when we used the coin-on-the-forehead trick on Arlene and our funnest uncle, Tito Toto. Oh you haven't heard of that one? Well it's very easy.  We challenge everyone to make the coin drop from their forehead thru banging their head just once.  When it was Arlene and Tito Toto's turn, Jen took the coin without them knowing.  We were literally ROFL-ing as they try with all their might to make the invisible coin drop.  So so so fun!

God tests us for us...not for Himself.

I am fascinated by the story of God testing Abraham.  God knows the whole story...He knows Abraham will choose to trust Him.  But will Abraham ever know that during the most difficult moment of his life, he will choose God over what he loves the most had he not gone through that testing?  Being an all-knowing God, I do not think He tests people so He can be assured that we love Him and we trust Him.  He knows what our choice will be in the end.  But we need to know for ourselves too. 

Dream company

Browsing through my facebook today, I came across this:

If you are a friend of mine, you would know that ROHEI is my dream company.  Ever since I heard about it about 4 years ago, it is still my dream company.  

There are three things why ROHEI is my dream company:
1. It is founded and led by a woman who is deeply in love with Jesus
2. The company's core values are biblical
3. The nature of their business is to train and empower people

I did not finish school and ROHEI is based in Singapore--these are the reasons why I could not get in.  I tried to apply for an internship there, but they cater only to Singaporean students--two requirements I immediately failed.

Today, that post above reminded me again of my dream company.  But not to make me feel bitter, but to inspire me and to challenge me that if I am not getting in there, I am bringing my dream company in the current organization that I am part of right now.  

How? The answer is simple but the actual work is going to be hard.  I am going to live out in my current org the core values of this dream company.  See those in yellow below:

By God's grace.

Singlehood, pursuit of marriage, spouse---alien words I stashed away, way away in the back of my head

Today,  I opened my eyes and started filling my heart with the truths of God.  I do it by reading the Bible, Christian articles, praying, worshipping, listening to worship songs.
For the first time after I became a Christian, I started reading articles about dating.

I am single as of this writing.  I have never dated ever since I became a Christian 5 years ago.  Dating suddenly became an unfamiliar ground...it became delicate, fragile, mysteriously beautiful and I refuse to jump at any opportunity.  Dating no longer felt like a priority or a prerequisite.  For me it is just a bonus to this already wonderful life with God.

And i found that the only difficult part of singlehood is the people around us. Singlehood is such a blessed state!  There is so much freedom, so much time, so much opportunities to spend time with God and revel in his creation: travel, families, holidays, etc.

But the people in the lives of the single people are the thorns in this blessed state.  They are those who think you are undesireable, those who assume you are miserable.  They pity you, they interrogate you, they give unsolicited advices, they judge you--so much I have become adept in wearing my polite, bubble smile.  The kind of smile wherein I politely enter my bubble and tune out what these peoples are saying.  Because they don't understand, I'm having the time of my life!  So much I never prayed for a spouse.  I knew I am ready to die an old, single lady, perfectly loved and accepted by my Creator.  I knew my needs are well-met by God even on this earth. In fact, I'm filled to the brim...an overflow that leads to reaching out to my families, the lost, the broken wherein I play my role as a child of God into leading them to this overflow love that was displayed on the Cross.

But last month, I developed an infatuation for someone whom I only knew from afar.  In my past, I usually developed a deep crush for someone I have at least a level of friendship with and not for people I barely knew.  I do crush on people I haven't even met, but they are tamed crushes that are usually fleeting.  Nothing that will keep me away from sleep or food.

So when I started liking this guy, I started pursuing what God is saying about dating.  I am in the early stages.  I don't know anything about this guy and I don't know yet what God wants to show me.  But so far, here's what have struck me as I read more about what God is saying about dating:

1. Marriage is worth having because you get God in your lifelong commitment to one another. Marriage is about knowing God, worshiping God, depending on God, displaying God, being made like God. God made man and woman in his image and joined them together, giving them unique responsibilities to care for one another in their broken, but beautiful union.  Source
2. If the guy for me turns out to be exactly into item number 1, I would probably be so weak in the knees, head-over-feeet in love with this guy over and over.  So I prayed as early as now, that no matter how good this future husband is, may he never steal the part of my heart that belongs to God and God alone. 

God is not a killjoy

"We are not meant to revel in his creation instead of him or more than in him but because of him, and because there is something of him in all that is good and beautiful."

- John Piper - 

Crushes and Sweethearts

Lord, distracted lang po. Pero di kita ipagpapalit kay Paul. Ang sarap lang nya isipin ngayon. Curious ako sa kanya. Nababaitan ako. And it demands my waking moments. Hindi ko po madescribe yung feeling pero para akong may blinders. May dark clouds hanging around my head. And all I could think about was how it feels good to live out every desire and fantasy in my head. Kaya hindi muna ako masyado nakakapagpray at nagspend time with you.

(Lord, I'm just distracted...but I am never going to trade you for Paul.  It is just so good to think about him right now.  I'm curious at him.  I find him nice.  And it demands my waking moments.  I can't describe the feelings but I feel I have blinders.  There are dark clouds hanging around my head and all I could think about was how it feels good to live out every desire and fantasy in my head.  And that's why I couldn't pray as often as I used to.  And I haven't been spending quality time with you.)

But the thing is, no matter how magical I make it out to be in my head or how magical this can potentially be if ever we do get together, I look at the sky...i see thousands of stars dazzling so majestically.  The difference between these earthly good feelings and the wonders in the sky are so huge.

And it reminded me of the greater treasures out there...in Your hands.

It paints a picture of me, a simple girl consumed by desire for another boy...and a great God, who created everything, consumed by desire for me.

It tells me of my small view, small plan and little desires.
And it tells of Your deep dreams for me, the great works you have prepared in advance for me before you even created the world, the many miracles waiting to be poured, the sweet revelations meant to make my heart be kilig for You, the events in my life written and all planned-out to make me fall in love with you over and over.  You designed marriage so I won't be alone here on earth...but You designed my heart to love You and enjoy You than anything or anyone else in this world.  That is why You created me...to glorify You and enjoy You forever. 

And the earthly desires can sometimes steal that golden purpose in my heart.

But...but You wouldn't compare to Paul. 10,000 guys in love with me put together will not compare to:
How you knew me
How you created my inmost being
How you know my thoughts so well you know a word even before I say it
How you are familiar with all of my ways--what makes me kilig, what saps my joy, what makes me afraid, what makes me feel pretty, what makes me pretty, what satisfies my longings
How you numbered all my hairs
How you have tattooed my name in your palms

I know, Lord, you are not a killjoy God. In fact you remove what kills joy. So although you never forbid having crushes, I know you are concerned about how a simple crush can consume a girl, evoke all the longings there, remind her of everything she is not, get all her focus on this other created human more than the Creator.

You are probably smiling at my cuteness and craziness right now...and yet You will close doors no one can open, and open doors no one can close.  And that is where I rest.  Whether it's Paul, a different future, or a  blessed singlehood, that is where I rest, in Your hands. 

And so, in the middle of this in love feeling, I will deal with this desire by severing it with a much bigger desire...your desire for me.

Help me, help me focus on You. Shower my heart with spiritual bouquet of roses and chocolate bars. Woo me, win me again. Oh so satisfy me that I wouldn't be easily distracted. I will look at the stars again tonight and remember that the One who created these magical things is the One who first loved me.

Battles and the Warrior

Do you ever feel God is so distant?  That He orchestrates events to strengthen your character--from afar? Sitting holy and distant in His throne and looking on you as you fight your battles alone?  Our circumstances can be so difficult it is hard to believe God is with us. 

Beloved, that is a lie. Let me share with you 3 things that will shatter that lie.

1. God Himself is a warrior.  

• The Lord is a warrior.  The Lord is His Name. Exodus 15:3

2. God is the one fighting the battles for you.

1. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God Acts 5:38
2. He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” 2 Kings 6:16
3. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14
4. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. 2 Chronicles 20:15
5. ...for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory. Deut 20:4
6. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you Deut 23:14
7. It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deut 31:8
8. For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me. Psalm 18:39
9. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Luke 10:19
10. Through you we push down our foes; through your name we tread down those who rise up against us. Psalm 44:5
11. fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
12. Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4
13. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31
14. I will go before you and level the exalted place Isaiah 45:2
15. You shall not fear them, for it is the Lord your God who fights for you.’ Deut 3:22

3. In the heart of the Warrior is YOU.  Inspired by this blog

"That’s how much you mean to me!

That’s how much I love you!

I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,

trade the creation just for you."

- Isaiah 43:4 (MSG)

Small Group

I am a product of small groups--that is, I grew more in my walk with God through having a TEAM with me in this walk.  But I made a mistake, huge mistake of making a god out of my small group. I did not realize I started to have unrealistic expectations. I wanted control.  I felt entitled. And when I did not get my expectations, I crumbled...stayed away and finally, stepped into a 2-year lone journey of my walk with Christ.  Oh, don't be mistaken.  God never left me.  But the journey was more difficult because I was alone.  No more did I hear encouraging voices, no more was a sister who helped carry the other end of my baggage.  

And the ember.  The ember slowly died down as it stood alone, away from the group of ember sticking together, creating and sustaining fire. 

I did not immediately realize all of this.  I thought I was fine, attending Church on my own, faithfully having quiet time.  But really, I started cooling down.  The voices of the world were way louder now.  And I found myself mirroring their language, I found myself easily irritated, and when I spoke or reacted in a way that is different than how God commanded us to respond and interact with people, i knew something was definitely wrong.  After all, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 


And this post that I made in Instagram pretty much sums up what happened to me when I became cool towards God.

I did not know how to start getting back to the right path.  Maybe I knew, but for some reason, life always gets in the way...and I just couldn't get started.  I kept putting it off, and before I knew it, there were two whole years of a cold spiritual journey. 

God knew I am so going to need help.  And today was the day He initiated a move.

I went to catch up with old friends...sisters-in-Christ at work.  It was an ordinary catch up, and i wasn't really looking forward to it because remember my heart was cold and I didn't have any interest in another small group meeting.  I went anyway.

We met at 9ish in the morning and left Coffee Bean at 9ish in the evening.  L.A. shared her struggles with her own spiritual family.  Lyt talked about her own share of spiritual family challenges.  And I was like, wait, what? We were going through the same thing and we did not know about it?  So the stories poured...we talked about our feelings, our assumptions, the consequences, our positions.

And we all realized...the enemy has wreaked havoc in our lives long enough.  It's time to get back up and fight back.   We did not know how...but we started with what we know how. 
Commit a time with God everyday... and cover each other with prayers.

We started a group chat in Facebook, just the three of us. We called it SHOFAR--a hebrew word meaning trumpet.  In the Old Testament, the people of God start their battles by sounding the trumpet.  And that's what we are doing.  We confessed our sins to each other and shared every revelation from God.  By August of this year, we saw how faithful God is!  We may not be 'there' yet, but He met us faithfully in those few minutes that we dedicated to Him.  We read a word here, and then see how relevant that Word was going to be later that day.  And God just kept revealing.  He kept meeting us, I swear I would have imagined Him waiting in that spot by Himself even if neither of us shows up.  

The mountains to climb are still high...but one thing's for sure.  God will never leave us even in the low mountains.  He never judges us or plants grudges against us for leaving Him in this walk.  In fact, He is forever working, forever restoring us no matter how often we pull away.

The lady on the right is not part of the Shofar sisters.  She is another friend we always invite to our meetings.  

Meditation Guide when reading your Bible

Skype Small Group

For as long as Jesus is the King over our household, we will never crumble.  Family Skype Prayer no matter how oceans apart we are is one of the great things in this life.

Nervous speaker

I had my speech demo today. If i pass this i will get a training on communication skills courtesy of my company. I was ready to invest money on a speech club and here is a free training knocking on my door. But of all days, I started the day wrong today. First, I woke up late after staying up till 5 in the morning finishing the last leg of our 3 week old laundry. Then, I had a coat and shoes crisis. And then i became frustrated I didn't have enough time to spend time with God, and not enough time to practice my prepared speech. I was in a surly mood as I pressured everybody to get in the car. My family was gracious. Mom did not aggravate the pressure I was feeling. Jen prayed for my speech demo before papa drove off. Papa drove really fast trying to get me there on time.

By the time I arrived at the venue, my nervousness has catapulted to a level that is physically weakening. I had a few more minutes to practice so I started cramming. But a sleepy feeling suddenly embraced me. I whispered to God that I couldn't do this. Help me.

When my name was called, i started out as nervous like any normal human being. Then my nervousness dissolved. And i was speaking. Then, I took my notes away and I spoke. I smiled, I gestured, i looked at the eyes of the interviewers. I had vivid recollection of my material. And I just went on and on.

That is not to say the interviewers did not find areas for opportunity.  They did. But the point is, there's this peace that is beyond understanding that took over.

My God never fails. He came through for me. He is always ready to help...always glad to help.

9/22 4:47
CBTL, Burgos Circle

I hate my bestfriend's boyfriend

Today, I feel very convicted. It was my friendt R's bday and I dread seeing her boyfriend there.  Just like any blood and tight girlfriends, i'm protective of her. I think R is too good for her. He was separated, focused on his collection of chickens more than the annulment and he swears a lot and said a lot of obscene words to R when he accused her of changing his facebook password. My point is, if he is treating her that way already out of a very trivial matter then how is he going to react or treat her if it is a huge matter. Would he start beating up R soon? So i refused to be in the same room with her boyfriend...so much i was willing to miss Z's baby shower and R's 30th bday.

Good thing Z did not invite him.  But he did show up at R's bday of course.  I didn't know how to act around him. I don't want to be friendly lest he thinks everything's ok and hurting R again will be ok. So i did what every coward girl would do: pretend he did not exist. Not even if he was standing right there before me.  And in that brief moment i felt the firm tugs of conviction.

As we made our way to our car, i kept thinking about what just happened. We were on our way to attend the 8pm service and it was a good 30 minute drive...enough for God to talk to me.

1. God calls me to forgive...not to save.
2. Jesus would never ignore any person
3. I can be there for R without necessarily agreeing with her
4. R is too good for him but Jesus is too good for me too, isn't he? Yet Jesus entered into a relationship with me anyway.

A true Christian is...

Romans 2:29 NLT

No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.

7 things the Lord hates

Proverbs 6:16-19 NLT

There are six things the L ord hates— no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.

After elected as king came the trouble. Seems God is setting it up to give opp for the king to be recognized

1 Samuel 10:24 NIV

Samuel said to all the people, “Do you see the man the Lord has chosen? There is no one like him among all the people.” Then the people shouted, “Long live the king!”

1 Samuel 11:1 NIV

Nahash the Ammonite went up and besieged Jabesh Gilead. And all the men of Jabesh said to him, “Make a treaty with us, and we will be subject to you.”

Look at God's kindness and graciousness

1 Samuel 10:17-19 NIV

Samuel summoned the people of Israel to the Lord at Mizpah and said to them, “This is what the Lord , the God of Israel, says: ‘I brought Israel up out of Egypt, and I delivered you from the power of Egypt and all the kingdoms that oppressed you.’ But you have now rejected your God, who saves you out of all your disasters and calamities. And you have said, ‘No, appoint a king over us.’ So now present yourselves before the Lord by your tribes and clans.”

God is the ultimate dreamgiver

This year is a very memorable year for me.  It all started when my small group leader, Doc Gen, shared her testimony about her desire to get her masters in the US.  It was financially and really just simply impossible.  But God came through for her.  I was encouraged so I started praying for my career too.  My specific prayer was 1. to be promoted, 2. to get free travel courtesy of the company training.  I prayed for New Zealand and Australia after seeing a lot of the pictures of my Facebook friend, Tracy, who currently lives in New Zealand.  I find these places very beautiful because of its landscapes.

I prayed ceaselessly and even added a prayer widget on my phone. In August, I was promoted.  And still the prayers continued asking God to take me to New Zealand or Australia courtesy of my company.

One day I was 4 hours early at work and decided to find an empty conference room to pray.  For some reason I uttered the words, “Sige, Lord, kahit US pwede na.” (Ok, Lord, US will do) and didn’t give it much thought. Two hours after that prayer, my VP called me up for a meeting and informed me to start preparing because they are sending me to the US by October.

So in the next posts I will be documenting this trip highlighting the grace of God all over.  It was my first international travel, I want to keep going back and relive everything.

Purpose

Weird riddles. Do you ever get the feeling that you're in a series of weird riddles? It's like being handed a piece of paper in the middle of the street and you know the message is clear but standing there you don't know how and where to go from there.

I know some people would dismiss you by saying stop over-analyzing and just go! But let's face it it's not always easy to put your life on hold: jobs, bills, family, etc. Only because there were no clear directives for you (yet)-- just the general message sent to everyone else: the Great Commission.

So you really don't know where to start.

From time to time a person hears God's voice and would know exactly what he's about to do next. So we hear stories in action like the Brandeis testimony. Or a mission trip. But for the rest of us we continue with our lives, we commute to work Mondays to Fridays, we recharge on Sundays, we pay rents and save for whatever, we dream and plan and continue with our lives knowing the Call, but not yet knowing how to do what exactly.

I myself am surrounded with riddles: the burden I feel for my family and relatives to be reached, the hype in church about discipling the next person i encounter that encourages me to be friends with the cashier, the great work my small groups are faced with and responsibilities to share, the stirring in my heart to give my best in doing the things I'm gifted with at work in honor of my Giver, etc.

These are my riddles. All mean the same thing but they haven't unfolded yet that one thing, that specific purpose prepared for each one of us even before the world began.

If you're like me, who plans her days and life hoping someday things would fall into place and i would know specifically what is it that God wants me to do, be encouraged beloved. Praise God who is obviously birthing His desires in your heart. It may not be clear right now and all you get are riddles. But cherish the burdens you feel--as in don't ignore it. As in actively pursue it by praying for it and even talking to your trusted friend about it. As in fan the flame. As in meditate on what God has been doing in your life and what pattern He seems to be showing you.

One day you will get a vision too. One day I will clearly hear His voice too. But while it's not one day yet, live up to the Great Commission in whatever role God gives you to play be it as a daughter, employee, friend, etc.

And I've learned over and over that loving people is the best way to disciple (hard i know but gooood opportunity to operate on grace).

(Sorry for the long post. These are my raw thoughts this evening. Was reading my journals and was feeling impatient to know what's out there in my Judea but was encouraged too to see the progress in my Jerusalem)

When it feels like you disciple in vain