Weak desires

Struck me how misrepresented You are to us. 

For many years, never did I realize that You are actually a joyful God. 

In fact, your passion for joyful things is so great it cost you Your Son, Your own life. 

The only reason I resisted You was because You seemed to forbid a lot of things.

Casual sex

Alcohol

Drugs

Green jokes

* Prada, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik

* Apple, Android

I could name a lot of things we give all our hearts to. 

Things we fight with all our heart.

with all our lives. 

Things that cost us everything even our relationships. 

Things that in the end could not satiate the deep hunger in us. 

Things that we really think give us joy. 

Now I know why You say no. 

We are attracted to shallow, temporal and measurable joy

When, really, only One joy is infinite. 

That's You.

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” 

- CS Lewis

* God does not exactly forbid these things. 

But when we find satisfaction in them more than in Him, 

that's when God opposes it.

A puddle of grasp of an ocean of love

I wasn't purchased 

with gold or silver. 

I was purchased 

by the blood 

of the Son of the Most High.

So much was paid 

for a worthless speck of dust 

like me.

And I thought 

the sea was too great, 

when what I'm looking at 

was just a tiny piece 

of the waters of the earth.

The same way I am overwhelmed 

with Your love 

I think already oh so big 

when, really, this is but 

a glimpse.

Keep it to yourself

Last night, I ended up sleeping on our couch because I was so tired.  My sister who got home in the middle of the night, loves to watch movies and that she did. Unfortunately, she chose to watch The Avengers.  The noise and bass made me toss and turn until I couldn't bear it any longer and was wide awake under the covers.  My sister didn't notice me because she was enjoying the movie. 

I vividly remember this strong force in me to not say a thing and just go inside the bedroom and continue my disrupted sleep there.  But the rotten attitude in me wanted to punish her with guilt by telling her accusingly what she put me through. 

And so I did. I told her. In an petulant and harsh manner because I was all ticked off. 

It set off an air of animosity on an early Monday morning. I ate my breakfast in silence and she prepared for bed in silence too.  



After I finished my breakfast, I put on my favorite series of all time, Scrubs, and was struck by the episode I randomly chose.




The episode was about four people who did something nice but had to pay for it.





1. JD asked his best friend Turk to spend time with him on Turk's day off.  Because of that Turk was not able to finish his pile of work he usually finishes on his off.

source

2.  Cox who enjoys being feared by his subordinates makes his wife happy by going out on a couple's date with an intern.  This intern told his fellow interns about that night and how Cox was forced to be in a conversation with him. When Cox shows up at work the following day, the interns no longer fear him, and even boldly try to be in a conversation with him.  

source

3. Carla runs interference for her boss whose dog died. Her tough boss did not want his staff to see him this vulnerable so Carla was tasked to talk to people on his behalf.  Unfortunately, his boss hardly said yes to any of the requests of his staff.  So Carla spent the whole day rejecting requests. When she took a lunch break and sat with her colleagues, they all stood up and moved to another table.  They all hated her. 

source

In the middle of the episode, the narrator asked, "Was it worth it?"



This was answered by the fourth person in the story.  He donated half of his liver to his brother who was sick but it almost cost him his life.  

On the morning after the surgery, his surgeon visited him and asked:

Turk: Did your brother freak out when you told him you almost died?
Patient: I didn't tell Frank.  Look at him so happy. If he knew what I went through he'd feel terrible. Why would I wanna do that when I love him so much.



Needless to say, after watching the episode it reminded me of the incident with my sister this morning.  It made me realize that sometimes keeping it to yourself is more loving than some acts of kindness.  It's a small form of sacrifice. 


My rotten attitude stinks like hell and I wish I could get rid of it so I could be more loving because I want my life to be God-glorifying.  In Jesus, I never, ever feel God accusing me of my wrong attitude. Instead, I feel His fatherly love wanting to fix all the bad gunk in my heart. All I need to do is approach the Throne of grace because no matter how I try, I will never defeat the sinful nature in me on my own. 

Missing cash

When someone stole the cash in the safe where my sister works she, along with her co-managers, were detained and questioned.  It was 19 days before her wedding which I have been organizing in the last four months.  It was supposed to be a surprise renewal of vows that her husband wants to give her during their visit in Manila last month. But because of the problem that Ate encountered at work, it was no longer a surprise. 

I was going to bbm her to ask her to bring mini-chocolates that I will use on the wedding table when I noticed that her bbm status said, "In times like this, You are in control."

I asked her what's with her status and that's when she told me what happened. Someone in their company stole the cash.  All managers are suspect.  She was detained inside the precinct for 7 hours and we exchanged bbm messages the entire 7 hours praising God, trusting that He will vindicate the innocent, confident that this incident is not something that God overlooked. 

Still, there's no brushing off the nervousness. 

What's going to happen to the wedding?

Are they gonna take my ate's job away?

Are they going to throw them into prison?

I will never forget the look on her face the following evening when she made an overseas call to Manila to ask me to go on Skype. She burst into tears as she pleaded with me to cancel everything because they're not letting her go home.

But my heart was steadfast in the Lord, trusting Him. I know He never miscalculates. I know He's the authority of all authorities. I know He's attracted to the oppressed.  I know the wedding is not my plan nor my brother-in-law's plan. It's His. So I was absolutely "un-hopeless".  Nervous, yes. But trusting. 

They took my sister's passport away. And they gave her and the others two options only: prosecution and jail or pay the missing cash.

For days, we kept praying. One afternoon that week, she bbm'd me saying that they're on their way to sign a paper agreeing to pay. I sent lotsa bbm saying to wait for the Lord.  My belief was God is ultra-generous. He will vindicate my sister without costing her money.  But my sister said she felt that that's what she needed to do and she found peace in it. 

So they signed and then she was allowed to go home, 3 days before her wedding. 

I consulted with my small group because I was a little confused with what happened.

Why would God allow this inconvenience if the wedding is His idea after all? Why let ate pay?

Their answers,

1. That nation loves obedience. Ate, like her Savior, displayed humility and obedience instead of defiance.  The character of her Savior shined in her before these people who haven't heard about Jesus.

2. She paid for what she didn't owe, trusting God will replace it, even in doubles.

3. God didn't waste her money. He used the opposition to build a muscles of faith in Ate.

As Ate was quoted as saying on the dawn of her wedding day, when she and our other sister went down to the beach and lifted up our hands in worship. 
God, through this missing cash, taught her dependence on Him. 
That He easily gave this job to her and He can easily take it away. 

Her faith in Him is more precious than that missing cash.

"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold..."

- 1 Peter 1:7

Ate's wedding in Boracay

Haven't blogged for a while. Sooo busy. Soo blessed!

(first) Wedding dress I've ever fallen in love with!

source

Work is worship

I was never a performer.  I was the rebellious type obsessed in defying authority.  But my spiritual life transformed how I work.

First, God changed my mindset towards work.  That work is worship.  Every work is a calling.  Suddenly blinders were shattered.  I no longer work for a lousy boss, I work for God.  I’m no longer paid by a world-renowned bank; God gives me stewardship on every amount that enters my ATM.  I’m no longer watched by CCTV cameras; God’s eyes are on me as I do my job. I no longer have to make an appointment to speak to our HR or Compliance Officer each time I have a complaint; I can call on my Chairman 24/7.  I no longer feel afraid that one day these outsourcing companies will take our jobs away and bring them back to their own country, God is my ultimate CEO.  And when I have urges to slack off, to be late a little, to have a little bit of overbreak, I remember the generosity of my God and how He rightfully deserves to be honored in everything that I do.

It’s quite a mindset blowup!

In 2011, I asked my small groups to pray that I will have good stats.  Good stats meant incentives. Unfortunately, I stayed not far from rank 50 out of 50 employees because I just didn't like what I do.

So we prayed for my stats.  But I mistakenly assumed that just because I’m a child of God, my stats would work for me…without really doing anything.  I prayed and prayed and nothing happened.  
I came running back to God asking what went wrong.  
He lovingly showed me that He was trying to give me opportunity to:
add another skill set, 
exert effort, 
be creative, 
be persevering.

To make long story short, I rose from top 50 to top 10 towards the beginning of 2012. 

When I shared this testimony to those people who prayed for me, I began with, if I ask God for extra money at work and He uses Chase to give me bonus, it’s so easy to think Chase as the Giver.  
But God did more than that. 
He made sure I know at the deepest part of my heart that what happened to me is beyond any human’s doing. He transformed my heart towards work.  Chase can’t do it for me. I can’t do it for myself. My small group can’t do it for me. He gave me joy in what I do. He strengthened me. He encouraged me. He didn't stop reminding me lovingly of my dreams and encouraged me to be patient where I’m at.

The result? The numbers and the blessings paled in comparison to how He completely changed my work life.

God gradually averted my focus on getting incentives. He did not take away the money, He simply destroyed the motivation I am getting from it.  So now I am motivated to work because I want to make God proud, to please Him. And blessings poured and it’s always more than enough.  I enjoyed it but not as much as the joy I find IN him alone.  I am enjoying Him in everything I do. 

I can’t disclose details of my job but my work has a lot to do with numbers that we can’t control. Too many times we gave our best efforts but the customers simply said no. 

Except that I know that it’s not in their hands. It’s in my God’s hands.  So instead of trying to please these customers and the demands of stats that are out of my control, I work to please the One who is in control.  You don't pursue excellence in order to please God. That's backwards. You please God by honoring Him in every thing you do and excellence follows. 

Looking back, one of the fatal misconceptions I had was that God doesn't give a rat about my career. As long as you're a good Christian, you do not need to bother God about your career, plans and dreams. 

How wrong, how wrong!

"...put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." - 1 Timothy6:17

I don't know about you but that speaks a whole lot about God caring about us! 

I wouldn't be foolish to go to anyone or anywhere else but that one Person,  the only One, who deeply wants me to soar and flourish. Not to mention that He's the only One able to do it. 

Philippines

As much as bulok and a laggard of Asia the

Philippines has been, I'm a Christian first, Filipino second. 

So it's easy to doubt that the president now can do what the others didn't. 

But it's much easier to believe that change can happen because I have a great God who can redeem and restore a nation.

#crazyenoughtobelieve

Bestseller--fifty shades of grey

Girl 1:  Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm going to get a copy soon.

Girl 2:  Don't. You deserve to treat yourself better than getting that book.

Girl 1:  What's wrong with that? It's just a pocketbook. (Rolled eyes)

Girl 2:  Here's what you should do before you buy that book.

Get a compilation of the old tabloid *Xerex. 
Keep it in your closet. 
Read it when you're alone. 
And if you can look at other people in the eye knowing you keep and read that copy, if you can maintain your dignity and can pray to God who commands us to be pure, knowing you keep clippings of Xerex, then by all means, buy Fifty Shades.

Xerex is a sex advice column in a Filipino tabloid.  It became popular because of how it lewdly (and unmitigatedly) illustrated any sexual act featured in a story, totally with zero censorship.  

a bestseller is not always the best

A friend of mine bought a copy of the book “50 Shades of Grey” because it was on the bestseller list. It didn’t take her long to realize that it was a pornographic material and was compelled to dispose of it.

“Best-selling” doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best for us to read.

1 Thes 4:3-6 says  ”³ God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. ⁴ Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— ⁵ not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.”

It doesn’t matter how this book has topped the bestseller lists around the world. It is classified as an erotic novel, with graphic sexual scenes. It’s called “mommy porn” in the U.S. Anything that distorts God’s beautiful design for sex and any attempt on our part to experience sexual pleasure outside the boundaries of marriage is sexual immorality. God’s will is clear. We need to stay away from sexual sin. Impurity and sensuality are the works of the flesh and God’s word tells us to live by the Spirit and not gratify the desires of the flesh.

I won’t even delve anymore on the ill effects of pornography on ourselves, on relationships and on society. Let me make it simple for you: Who is your Lord? Can you read the book and honestly say that God was pleased with your choice?

On a practical level, from the angle of of parenting, I wonder how effective I will be to my children as I constantly teach them to “guard their hearts and minds” if they see me reading such a material.

I pray that I will be like David who said in the Psalms “ I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.”

Not Manolo Blahnik shoes or a Birkin Bag..

...but this is my treasure.  My dreams. The second thing I live for. 

Early this Sunday morning, I asked ate to be online on Skype. We spoke in soft voices because everyone was still asleep, or so she thought.

Then I shifted the webcam to my left, and everybody sang, "Happy Birthday!"

Instead of birthday wishes that vanish in the air, we all bowed down and offered our birthday dreams for my ate to the Lord who we enthrone in our family.

Beautiful Sunday. Beautiful Birthday. Owing to the great truth that everything we enjoy is blood-bought.

Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.

- Psalm 34:3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ATE!!!

jen making ate laugh

taking their positions while I distract ate in Skype

Offering our birthday wishes for ate to the Lord

What makes me busy

Today, as I relish my day off, I realize that my facebook and internet activities are ABOUT the things that I value in my life.

God

Family

Relatives

Small group

Girlfriends

Kids Church

Education

These are where my time and energy and resources mostly go.  Not via facebook literally, hehe. 

So when there's an invitation that's not part of this list, they go to the bottom of my priorities.  If an office mate would invite me to watch movies after work on a Saturday, I remember my nephew Nate who stays with us during the weekends and how I only have four opportunities in one month to build a relationship with him.  

Or if cliques from high school would meet up for a drink on a night when I don't have to go anywhere, I imagine the expenses that can buy dinner for the family instead or that can buy something for a lonely tita that I care about.

See,  there are things that I don't do in order to do well what I need to do.  

We only have one life, 16 waking hours, two day off's a week and two paydays in a month.  

And we would want to make the most of it.

What, get a life?

I am.

This is my life: God, my loved-ones, my dreams.  These make me happy.  To live a life dedicated to building relationships within my ability and magnify Jesus' Name in stewardship and relationships.  And until He tells me to come and jump off the boat to a greater territory and greater responsibility, this is where I'm staying.  

- For where your treasure is there your heart will be -

Luke 12:34

Nate with mama

Nate doesn't like ninang when mommy is around. Hehe. 

Reprimand, Restore, Reward

This weekend I remember a very important lesson that I learned last year.  I heard it in a Classroom Management Class that VCF facilitated for Kids Church and I believe it so strongly that I don't want to pass up a chance to apply it to my life.

"Do not reprimand. Restore."
 
It weighed deeply because I had flashbacks of countless incidents in my life that prove that restoring people works and reprimanding them breaks.

An incident this weekend reminded me of these two choices. 

My cousin who currently stays with us displayed an obsession for money that incited her to be rude to my father. Sometimes when you are disappointed with someone and your temper is flaring up, it feels soooo good to just reprimand.  I was so tired that day from work and I had a choice to just go home, plop into the couch and question and blame and threaten Anna. But our responses to an issue set the direction of the relationship.  I have long observed that reprimanding can be a short cut to drifting apart.


So after I got out of work last Saturday, I asked her to meet me at Chatime near my building.  
I remember how I listened to the adults in my life when I was young about don't do this and don't do that.  But never did I remember them telling me the bottom line. I guess the bottom line for them is simply don't do this and don't do that. To me it didn't work.  I was just reprimanded, but I never understood why.

So when I talked to Anna I made sure I drive the point home and explain to her why her behavior is unacceptable. Mostly I wanted to make sure that the center of our conversation is what is God's say on the issue.

She wrote down what we discussed in four points.

1. Relationship is more important than money
2. The best kind of giving is IN faith
3. God will meet my needs
4. God will never leave me nor forsake me





Based on Anna's facial expression, vibe and responses, I think it went well.  She didn't feel bored nor did she feel she's being bashed. It kinda feels like a liberating moment.  And the reason I noted that is because I came from a night shift and was tad edgy.  When I planned to talk to her all my urges just wanted to reprimand her.  But I prayed before we talk and the way the conversation went is the exact opposite if I am the one directing it. So, praise God who covered us with His grace!



Then on Sunday, we rewarded Nate for being a good boy. 
He is just like any 6 year old that can be stubborn too. 
But we noticed that when you explain things to him and not make him do what you want him to do for no reason, there's RESTORING right there.  You partner with him (for example, he gets to use the desktop if he naps in the afternoon) or you explain the reason why he shouldn't do what he shouldn't do (like it is bad to fight because Jesus tells us to love our enemies), we noticed that he is quick and cheerful to obey.  

I do not know a thing about child psychology but what I learn from Jesus' teachings is that even disciplining is an act of love. And communication is such an important ingredient of a relationship.  I also learn from the mommy blogs that I read, especially my favorite one, that not only you choose to restore over reprimand.

But you also reward.

"Do you still love me?"

She was rebellious when she was young. 
She couldn't remember how many times she ran away from her parents. She wouldn't see them for weeks and months.
One day, she was sitting atop the stairs of a hotel when her daddy found her. He asked softly, "Anak, do you still love me?"

She was irritated. She moved away stomping her feet. She hopped on a car and looked back at her daddy and saw him exactly how she left him, sitting there, looking confused and sad.  As the car took her away, he became a smaller and smaller figure until he vanished from her sight.

Years later she has gotten over the "running away" phase but was still rebellious this time directly against the One who created her. She ran away from Him all her life thinking she didn't need Him in her life. 

One day, she was sitting in a cafeteria inside a building. She needed to consult a professional regarding an ethical decision that needed to be made. But the man instead explained to her how hopeless she was because of those terrible things she did.  She felt fear quickly filling her up like water being poured over a glass. 
Fear of hopelessness. 
Fear of punishment. 
Fear of eternal damnation.
Fear of God.
Tears were welling up.
The man continued. 
The cafeteria was noisy and her tears were blurring everything.
But she heard the man say,
"...He died for you while you were still a sinner."

It reminded her of how a loving father sat beside a rebellious daughter atop the stairs of a hotel in the 90's. 
But in that cafeteria, with all her sins laid bare on the table, God too asked her what her daddy asked back then.

  
Except that it was a slightly different question. 

"Do you know I still love you?"

The nothing pie

Browsing pictures of cakes online for a party I'm organizing

Landed on a website with a picture of a sinfully delectable Red Velvet Cupcake

Filled with intense craving

Remembered Mercato--the night market near my office

Looked at my watch.

Plenty of time.

Hurried to the bathroom and put on clothes in 20 minutes (I average an hour).

Hailed a taxi headed to Mercato.

Mercato was closed.

Felt like God was telling me to fight the craving off.

Because I have been splurging on food this past week

and barely have enough office allowance left to tide me over this cutoff

Ignored it.

Mental note flashing: Find a banoffee pie

Went to Starbucks

Was just around the corner

Sudden strong downpour

and wind blew hard

braved it

and made it safely inside Starbucks

got what I was craving for

took a picture 

to remember how i strongly craved for this

rubbed my hands with mischievous grin

But my oh my

was in for a surprise

one, two, three bites...i was confused. Why was i not enjoying it? 

It's not guilt or something

Heck I didn't feel guilty I was ignoring what I thought was God's message in my heart

And the pie tasted the same as before

but the satisfaction just wasn't... there.

Finished my pie in silence.

Shook my head.

So much effort to appease the craving

only to end up empty

It occurred to me

only one Person is more than able to satisfy my inner hunger

to fulfill me

to complete my needs

JESUS

but He can wait...I gotta have the pie.

There it landed.

Taking this road of finding satisfaction elsewhere

other than Jesus

will always be a waste of effort, energy and time.

It will always come back empty.

Raquel's 30th birthday

I don't really know what's the deal with turning 30. Maybe because I haven't been there. But hey i'll be there in a couple of years. Anyway, I may not understand it but I agree with her about rounding up all your friends in one room.

I hope to do this too one day. Not just my--let's see... 15 small group friends, 4 Brigs, 4 Katips, more or less 7 individual girlfriends I met and kept through the years..so about 30 girlfriends of mine--but also my family (but of course because I'm a family-girl!) and several favorite aunts and cousins of mine in one room.

Yes I will do it one day.  

Not just in my funeral :) but I hope to be able to honor them and thank them all together for everything that they have done for me. 

And to honor God for giving me on earth treasures that moths don't eat and rust doesn't destroy. 

So this is Raquel's 30th birthday.  

God spoiled her and gave her a great night last July 21 with all of her girlfriends. :)

Sunrise Buckets.  

When I told my cousins that I am so in love with Bon Chon, she promised me she'll take me somewhere where Bon Chon will pale in comparison.  

Yep. This is the place.

The place has a beach-y feel.

The plan was to have a little drama about some of us 

not being able to make it since it was a rainy night.  And then we're going to enter together, carrying our cupcake wish for her, say a little speech before we sit down.

She hardly noticed our cupcakes. But she did notice that the people who canceled were there after all. 

We're not able to pull off the cupcake speech because the place is not conducive for little dramas like that...

...but it's ok because she was happy nonetheless.

So this is our cupcake wishes for her. 

Notice the common denominator? :D

Food time!

BRIGS

If you want to gobble up and lick the buffalo wings to the bone, you gotta put on some gloves. 

Singing happy birthday for Raquel

After party we moved to Starbucks to catch up and play a little Guesstures. 

We were very careful not to laugh so loud because this Starbucks outlet was filled with students studying thick books.