Singlehood, pursuit of marriage, spouse---alien words I stashed away, way away in the back of my head

Today,  I opened my eyes and started filling my heart with the truths of God.  I do it by reading the Bible, Christian articles, praying, worshipping, listening to worship songs.
For the first time after I became a Christian, I started reading articles about dating.

I am single as of this writing.  I have never dated ever since I became a Christian 5 years ago.  Dating suddenly became an unfamiliar ground...it became delicate, fragile, mysteriously beautiful and I refuse to jump at any opportunity.  Dating no longer felt like a priority or a prerequisite.  For me it is just a bonus to this already wonderful life with God.

And i found that the only difficult part of singlehood is the people around us. Singlehood is such a blessed state!  There is so much freedom, so much time, so much opportunities to spend time with God and revel in his creation: travel, families, holidays, etc.

But the people in the lives of the single people are the thorns in this blessed state.  They are those who think you are undesireable, those who assume you are miserable.  They pity you, they interrogate you, they give unsolicited advices, they judge you--so much I have become adept in wearing my polite, bubble smile.  The kind of smile wherein I politely enter my bubble and tune out what these peoples are saying.  Because they don't understand, I'm having the time of my life!  So much I never prayed for a spouse.  I knew I am ready to die an old, single lady, perfectly loved and accepted by my Creator.  I knew my needs are well-met by God even on this earth. In fact, I'm filled to the brim...an overflow that leads to reaching out to my families, the lost, the broken wherein I play my role as a child of God into leading them to this overflow love that was displayed on the Cross.

But last month, I developed an infatuation for someone whom I only knew from afar.  In my past, I usually developed a deep crush for someone I have at least a level of friendship with and not for people I barely knew.  I do crush on people I haven't even met, but they are tamed crushes that are usually fleeting.  Nothing that will keep me away from sleep or food.

So when I started liking this guy, I started pursuing what God is saying about dating.  I am in the early stages.  I don't know anything about this guy and I don't know yet what God wants to show me.  But so far, here's what have struck me as I read more about what God is saying about dating:

1. Marriage is worth having because you get God in your lifelong commitment to one another. Marriage is about knowing God, worshiping God, depending on God, displaying God, being made like God. God made man and woman in his image and joined them together, giving them unique responsibilities to care for one another in their broken, but beautiful union.  Source
2. If the guy for me turns out to be exactly into item number 1, I would probably be so weak in the knees, head-over-feeet in love with this guy over and over.  So I prayed as early as now, that no matter how good this future husband is, may he never steal the part of my heart that belongs to God and God alone. 

God is not a killjoy

"We are not meant to revel in his creation instead of him or more than in him but because of him, and because there is something of him in all that is good and beautiful."

- John Piper - 

Crushes and Sweethearts

Lord, distracted lang po. Pero di kita ipagpapalit kay Paul. Ang sarap lang nya isipin ngayon. Curious ako sa kanya. Nababaitan ako. And it demands my waking moments. Hindi ko po madescribe yung feeling pero para akong may blinders. May dark clouds hanging around my head. And all I could think about was how it feels good to live out every desire and fantasy in my head. Kaya hindi muna ako masyado nakakapagpray at nagspend time with you.

(Lord, I'm just distracted...but I am never going to trade you for Paul.  It is just so good to think about him right now.  I'm curious at him.  I find him nice.  And it demands my waking moments.  I can't describe the feelings but I feel I have blinders.  There are dark clouds hanging around my head and all I could think about was how it feels good to live out every desire and fantasy in my head.  And that's why I couldn't pray as often as I used to.  And I haven't been spending quality time with you.)

But the thing is, no matter how magical I make it out to be in my head or how magical this can potentially be if ever we do get together, I look at the sky...i see thousands of stars dazzling so majestically.  The difference between these earthly good feelings and the wonders in the sky are so huge.

And it reminded me of the greater treasures out there...in Your hands.

It paints a picture of me, a simple girl consumed by desire for another boy...and a great God, who created everything, consumed by desire for me.

It tells me of my small view, small plan and little desires.
And it tells of Your deep dreams for me, the great works you have prepared in advance for me before you even created the world, the many miracles waiting to be poured, the sweet revelations meant to make my heart be kilig for You, the events in my life written and all planned-out to make me fall in love with you over and over.  You designed marriage so I won't be alone here on earth...but You designed my heart to love You and enjoy You than anything or anyone else in this world.  That is why You created me...to glorify You and enjoy You forever. 

And the earthly desires can sometimes steal that golden purpose in my heart.

But...but You wouldn't compare to Paul. 10,000 guys in love with me put together will not compare to:
How you knew me
How you created my inmost being
How you know my thoughts so well you know a word even before I say it
How you are familiar with all of my ways--what makes me kilig, what saps my joy, what makes me afraid, what makes me feel pretty, what makes me pretty, what satisfies my longings
How you numbered all my hairs
How you have tattooed my name in your palms

I know, Lord, you are not a killjoy God. In fact you remove what kills joy. So although you never forbid having crushes, I know you are concerned about how a simple crush can consume a girl, evoke all the longings there, remind her of everything she is not, get all her focus on this other created human more than the Creator.

You are probably smiling at my cuteness and craziness right now...and yet You will close doors no one can open, and open doors no one can close.  And that is where I rest.  Whether it's Paul, a different future, or a  blessed singlehood, that is where I rest, in Your hands. 

And so, in the middle of this in love feeling, I will deal with this desire by severing it with a much bigger desire...your desire for me.

Help me, help me focus on You. Shower my heart with spiritual bouquet of roses and chocolate bars. Woo me, win me again. Oh so satisfy me that I wouldn't be easily distracted. I will look at the stars again tonight and remember that the One who created these magical things is the One who first loved me.

Nervous speaker

I had my speech demo today. If i pass this i will get a training on communication skills courtesy of my company. I was ready to invest money on a speech club and here is a free training knocking on my door. But of all days, I started the day wrong today. First, I woke up late after staying up till 5 in the morning finishing the last leg of our 3 week old laundry. Then, I had a coat and shoes crisis. And then i became frustrated I didn't have enough time to spend time with God, and not enough time to practice my prepared speech. I was in a surly mood as I pressured everybody to get in the car. My family was gracious. Mom did not aggravate the pressure I was feeling. Jen prayed for my speech demo before papa drove off. Papa drove really fast trying to get me there on time.

By the time I arrived at the venue, my nervousness has catapulted to a level that is physically weakening. I had a few more minutes to practice so I started cramming. But a sleepy feeling suddenly embraced me. I whispered to God that I couldn't do this. Help me.

When my name was called, i started out as nervous like any normal human being. Then my nervousness dissolved. And i was speaking. Then, I took my notes away and I spoke. I smiled, I gestured, i looked at the eyes of the interviewers. I had vivid recollection of my material. And I just went on and on.

That is not to say the interviewers did not find areas for opportunity.  They did. But the point is, there's this peace that is beyond understanding that took over.

My God never fails. He came through for me. He is always ready to help...always glad to help.

9/22 4:47
CBTL, Burgos Circle

Purpose

Weird riddles. Do you ever get the feeling that you're in a series of weird riddles? It's like being handed a piece of paper in the middle of the street and you know the message is clear but standing there you don't know how and where to go from there.

I know some people would dismiss you by saying stop over-analyzing and just go! But let's face it it's not always easy to put your life on hold: jobs, bills, family, etc. Only because there were no clear directives for you (yet)-- just the general message sent to everyone else: the Great Commission.

So you really don't know where to start.

From time to time a person hears God's voice and would know exactly what he's about to do next. So we hear stories in action like the Brandeis testimony. Or a mission trip. But for the rest of us we continue with our lives, we commute to work Mondays to Fridays, we recharge on Sundays, we pay rents and save for whatever, we dream and plan and continue with our lives knowing the Call, but not yet knowing how to do what exactly.

I myself am surrounded with riddles: the burden I feel for my family and relatives to be reached, the hype in church about discipling the next person i encounter that encourages me to be friends with the cashier, the great work my small groups are faced with and responsibilities to share, the stirring in my heart to give my best in doing the things I'm gifted with at work in honor of my Giver, etc.

These are my riddles. All mean the same thing but they haven't unfolded yet that one thing, that specific purpose prepared for each one of us even before the world began.

If you're like me, who plans her days and life hoping someday things would fall into place and i would know specifically what is it that God wants me to do, be encouraged beloved. Praise God who is obviously birthing His desires in your heart. It may not be clear right now and all you get are riddles. But cherish the burdens you feel--as in don't ignore it. As in actively pursue it by praying for it and even talking to your trusted friend about it. As in fan the flame. As in meditate on what God has been doing in your life and what pattern He seems to be showing you.

One day you will get a vision too. One day I will clearly hear His voice too. But while it's not one day yet, live up to the Great Commission in whatever role God gives you to play be it as a daughter, employee, friend, etc.

And I've learned over and over that loving people is the best way to disciple (hard i know but gooood opportunity to operate on grace).

(Sorry for the long post. These are my raw thoughts this evening. Was reading my journals and was feeling impatient to know what's out there in my Judea but was encouraged too to see the progress in my Jerusalem)

When it feels like you disciple in vain

Wasting 8 months

A little rundown:
I was handpicked to be a job coach apprentice last October 2012 and was to go back to my original role as a solicitor after 3 months.  But God did things a little different. I started the stint two months before the other apprentices began theirs. And I was requested to be extended for another 3 months, totaling 8 months of stint.  So yes, I was given an 8-month gift. An 8-month blessing.  And then on June 25, the job coach resigned and the post was opened to everyone. I submitted my application and was scheduled for an interview on Monday. And because of this interview, that's where the story in this post begins.

*******************

Yesterday morning, I was practicing my answers to possible interview questions and  was pleased with how i performed.  A thought suddenly entered my mind. Did that brief flash of confidence come from my being pleased with my abilities? I started to feel afraid. I'm afraid i'm relying on my own abilities instead of God. I did not want to enter any promise land apart from Him. And I was afraid I won't be allowed to enter the promise land because I was apart from Him.

I immediately put down my interview cue cards and sent a group txt to my key sisters in Christ (doc, van, jhapi, rakel, charm and lyt). I asked how do i know if I'm relying on God or on myself. Their responses vary but mostly boiled down to: your talents are from God. So when you rejoice over your talents, you know inside you it's a gift from God. 

But as I was reading their responses this morning, I can't relate to them.  Because this is how I understood it:
Do your best (this is all you) and God will do the rest (this is all Him) 

I realized I trust God only in things that I can't control like the result of my hard work. But on things that I CAN control such as THE work itself, I trusted myself.  So when I got good scores and stats, I definitely confused which of the trust I invested that paid off. Yep, God had to share my praises with myself. Apparently, He wasn't the only God in my heart. He had to share spaces with me.  And I was a lousy god. I couldn't take care of myself the way the real God can. Divide your trust, divide your praises afterwards.  Yup, that's exactly what happened to me.

This morning, through the combined insights of my spiritual sisters, I began seeing things this way:
Do your best - Through God. He will give you the talents, skills and even desire and power. Philippians 2:13
God will do the rest - All Him.


But what was really all Him, I made it all me. A few Him, sure. But mostly me.  That's where the mess began. The presence of pride is nothing aggressive outside. People still see me as that prayerful Christian. Outside is really nothing impactful. It's inside that you can never twist around. It's inside that causes the storms. It's inside that really matters. 

I started strong in this apprenticeship but did not stand strong and absolutely did not end strong.  God blessed me with this gift but because I messed it up it caused me griefs. I grieved because I wasted.

• Wasted opportunities to let Christ shine in the work that I do
• Wasted the joy of walking with the Lord and growing with Him.
• Wasted my praises. I praised my mentor for assisting me, covering my ass, teaching me, leading me---all the things that God is doing for me. 

And she did not know
    that it was I who gave her... Hosea 2:8

• Wasted all 8 months putting too much importance on myself and worshiping myself. 

I am however joyful because...

• I may have wasted the 8-month gift but it revealed a lot of bad stuff in my heart. And I mean big ones. I have listed 12 big, ugly stuff in my heart and kept them in my drafts to remind me. 
• God dealt with me patiently and kindly...more than what I deserved.  I am so disgusted by the condition of my heart I swear if I am god I will take the position away or orchestrate events that will embarrass me and make me come to my senses. Whew, I'm glad I'm not god. 
• With God, I can start again.  I can start all over again.
• God allowed me to go through this process. On October 1st, the day I was made apprentice, I only saw October 1st. I uttered huge promises and declared huge, empty praises on that day.  But while I was looking at the day ahead, God already saw the whole season, the whole 8 months. He knew I was gonna cheat on Him. He knew I was gonna walk out on Him. He knew I was gonna hide behind crisis prayers and whimsy praises to make it as if I was still walking with Him when really I was just simply praising myself and taking care of myself.  He knew all of that but He was gonna allow all that to happen. For a reason.  For some glorious reasons. I guess He really wasn't gonna be insecure about losing 8 months of faithfulness from me. I mean how can one be insecure about a few losses when you know you're God and You will always triumph in the end?  And if you're a Christian and a child of God, God's triumphs means good for you. Point is, I messed up but there seems to be a process that God is allowing me to go through.

So now I praise Him for all these painful revelations about who I really am. I am not ending this post declaring I was changed overnight. I am still digesting all these.  But I praise Him that He is a God who puts value to the beauty of a process.

So one thing's for sure though. 

I'm off to another great beginning. Not whether I become a job coach, heck, the reality of the things of God in my life makes this job coach opportunity pale in comparison.  But if I wasted 8 months of a blessing, I take delight in the fact that God does not waste anything. Something's brewing out of that 8 months. Think 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Apprenticeship key little learnings



What do people expect a person to learn in being an apprentice? Skills? Sure. But there's more to it than just skills...

* Don't be shy to speak but don't be aggressive. The best way to avoid both is to stop thinking this is about you.

* Never be rash. The best goal with the wrong means is not good. The best means with the wrong goal is equally bad.

* If you want to be afraid to learn, be afraid to make mistakes

* So try. Dare. Create. Not necessarily in that order.

* Apprenticeship is all about being an example and never about position. Yesterday, you too were not allowed in the sups' conference room. And the day will come when you will not be allowed back in there again. So stay humble.

* Knowledge is like underwear. People will know if you don't have one. So don't be afraid to ask time to look for the answer.

* A compliment can make your day. An accomplishment paves the way. Value what really lasts.

* So forget about the credit. Keep creating, keep solving, keep helping. The people you help will be the one to take care of your recognition for you without you asking for it or even without you knowing it.

* Be an authority or be a proof that anything is possible for those who try. Influence wisely.

* Don't confuse people with deliverables.

* Honor the process but don't disrepect people.

* It is still better to understand than to be understood. Listen. And use simple words.

* Practice the discipline of tweeting. People are busy and get dozens of emails all day.

* Be able. But be available also.

* You're not expected to be perfect. You're expected to be present.

* Don't just bring up an issue. Be part of the solution. Share your ideas!

* And be ready to be rejected too. Cheerful and ready.

* Don't be afraid to start at the bottom again. Some songs do make sense: It is the climb!

* The best way to be ungrateful to your mentor is to continue unchanged.

* Do the possible and God will do the impossible.

Now we're ready to talk about skills...

"What's on my mind..." as Facebook tempts

I just read this and i loved it. I have forgotten that I slapped my own sister on my birthday. 

I used to hate it when people (MYSELF INCLUDED) post statuses of where they are, what they're doing, what happened to them, etc. I politely read it in my desktop or mobile phone but with a slight upward twitch in my left eyebrow, which can be interpreted in two words only: "who cares?" 

I just think it's purposeless. It doesn't help the world. That's why when I feel the pull of disdain for self-absorbed blogging or facebooking, I filter my audience to the people in my life who I think would care and would only make my posts public if the topic is not about me. Well yeah, still, me hypocrite. 

So when I read my friend's blog above, I remember again that nothing better captures conveniently the exact feelings, reflexes and thoughts on a certain moment than real-time FB posts or tweet. It will not change the world or cheer up another soul.  It won't elicit overwhelmed responses and will be easily forgotten as the reader moves on to the next feed. But if you're like me-- who wants a cheap wedding but is willing to blow a year's salary for a team of reputable videographers and photographers because when I'm 80 years old I don't want to relive that special day in my mind by hugging an expensive wedding dress. Instead, I want to sit in our sala and watch the video filled with both the significant and insignificant moments of our wedding, well-captured by the videographers the way I instructed 80 years ago-- well, if you're that type of person who likes to preserve moments and memories, FB posts and tweets may not be purposeless after all. Before the internet age, I was already doing this through classic notebook diaries. But now it's more alive and more convenient when it's on the net. 

Like what I said in my 'About Me' portion of this blog, I am my biggest blog reader. Seriously, I would read past posts over and over. I have read my entire FB posts since the day I joined in one sitting, twice already. Partly, because I like reading the word play. But that was just a very small part. The biggest reason is it's like watching a movie called your life. And I love reliving memories especially now that I'm in a relationship with God.

The huge ones, life-and-death matters we will always remember off the top of our head. But the little ones, we usually forget.  And sometimes it's these little ones that speak a lot about what's going on in your life. Like realizing there's so much love in my life after I read my sister's post about how I slapped her on my birthday.

Weak desires

Struck me how misrepresented You are to us. 

For many years, never did I realize that You are actually a joyful God. 

In fact, your passion for joyful things is so great it cost you Your Son, Your own life. 

The only reason I resisted You was because You seemed to forbid a lot of things.

Casual sex

Alcohol

Drugs

Green jokes

* Prada, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik

* Apple, Android

I could name a lot of things we give all our hearts to. 

Things we fight with all our heart.

with all our lives. 

Things that cost us everything even our relationships. 

Things that in the end could not satiate the deep hunger in us. 

Things that we really think give us joy. 

Now I know why You say no. 

We are attracted to shallow, temporal and measurable joy

When, really, only One joy is infinite. 

That's You.

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” 

- CS Lewis

* God does not exactly forbid these things. 

But when we find satisfaction in them more than in Him, 

that's when God opposes it.

A puddle of grasp of an ocean of love

I wasn't purchased 

with gold or silver. 

I was purchased 

by the blood 

of the Son of the Most High.

So much was paid 

for a worthless speck of dust 

like me.

And I thought 

the sea was too great, 

when what I'm looking at 

was just a tiny piece 

of the waters of the earth.

The same way I am overwhelmed 

with Your love 

I think already oh so big 

when, really, this is but 

a glimpse.

Keep it to yourself

Last night, I ended up sleeping on our couch because I was so tired.  My sister who got home in the middle of the night, loves to watch movies and that she did. Unfortunately, she chose to watch The Avengers.  The noise and bass made me toss and turn until I couldn't bear it any longer and was wide awake under the covers.  My sister didn't notice me because she was enjoying the movie. 

I vividly remember this strong force in me to not say a thing and just go inside the bedroom and continue my disrupted sleep there.  But the rotten attitude in me wanted to punish her with guilt by telling her accusingly what she put me through. 

And so I did. I told her. In an petulant and harsh manner because I was all ticked off. 

It set off an air of animosity on an early Monday morning. I ate my breakfast in silence and she prepared for bed in silence too.  



After I finished my breakfast, I put on my favorite series of all time, Scrubs, and was struck by the episode I randomly chose.




The episode was about four people who did something nice but had to pay for it.





1. JD asked his best friend Turk to spend time with him on Turk's day off.  Because of that Turk was not able to finish his pile of work he usually finishes on his off.

source

2.  Cox who enjoys being feared by his subordinates makes his wife happy by going out on a couple's date with an intern.  This intern told his fellow interns about that night and how Cox was forced to be in a conversation with him. When Cox shows up at work the following day, the interns no longer fear him, and even boldly try to be in a conversation with him.  

source

3. Carla runs interference for her boss whose dog died. Her tough boss did not want his staff to see him this vulnerable so Carla was tasked to talk to people on his behalf.  Unfortunately, his boss hardly said yes to any of the requests of his staff.  So Carla spent the whole day rejecting requests. When she took a lunch break and sat with her colleagues, they all stood up and moved to another table.  They all hated her. 

source

In the middle of the episode, the narrator asked, "Was it worth it?"



This was answered by the fourth person in the story.  He donated half of his liver to his brother who was sick but it almost cost him his life.  

On the morning after the surgery, his surgeon visited him and asked:

Turk: Did your brother freak out when you told him you almost died?
Patient: I didn't tell Frank.  Look at him so happy. If he knew what I went through he'd feel terrible. Why would I wanna do that when I love him so much.



Needless to say, after watching the episode it reminded me of the incident with my sister this morning.  It made me realize that sometimes keeping it to yourself is more loving than some acts of kindness.  It's a small form of sacrifice. 


My rotten attitude stinks like hell and I wish I could get rid of it so I could be more loving because I want my life to be God-glorifying.  In Jesus, I never, ever feel God accusing me of my wrong attitude. Instead, I feel His fatherly love wanting to fix all the bad gunk in my heart. All I need to do is approach the Throne of grace because no matter how I try, I will never defeat the sinful nature in me on my own. 

Missing cash

When someone stole the cash in the safe where my sister works she, along with her co-managers, were detained and questioned.  It was 19 days before her wedding which I have been organizing in the last four months.  It was supposed to be a surprise renewal of vows that her husband wants to give her during their visit in Manila last month. But because of the problem that Ate encountered at work, it was no longer a surprise. 

I was going to bbm her to ask her to bring mini-chocolates that I will use on the wedding table when I noticed that her bbm status said, "In times like this, You are in control."

I asked her what's with her status and that's when she told me what happened. Someone in their company stole the cash.  All managers are suspect.  She was detained inside the precinct for 7 hours and we exchanged bbm messages the entire 7 hours praising God, trusting that He will vindicate the innocent, confident that this incident is not something that God overlooked. 

Still, there's no brushing off the nervousness. 

What's going to happen to the wedding?

Are they gonna take my ate's job away?

Are they going to throw them into prison?

I will never forget the look on her face the following evening when she made an overseas call to Manila to ask me to go on Skype. She burst into tears as she pleaded with me to cancel everything because they're not letting her go home.

But my heart was steadfast in the Lord, trusting Him. I know He never miscalculates. I know He's the authority of all authorities. I know He's attracted to the oppressed.  I know the wedding is not my plan nor my brother-in-law's plan. It's His. So I was absolutely "un-hopeless".  Nervous, yes. But trusting. 

They took my sister's passport away. And they gave her and the others two options only: prosecution and jail or pay the missing cash.

For days, we kept praying. One afternoon that week, she bbm'd me saying that they're on their way to sign a paper agreeing to pay. I sent lotsa bbm saying to wait for the Lord.  My belief was God is ultra-generous. He will vindicate my sister without costing her money.  But my sister said she felt that that's what she needed to do and she found peace in it. 

So they signed and then she was allowed to go home, 3 days before her wedding. 

I consulted with my small group because I was a little confused with what happened.

Why would God allow this inconvenience if the wedding is His idea after all? Why let ate pay?

Their answers,

1. That nation loves obedience. Ate, like her Savior, displayed humility and obedience instead of defiance.  The character of her Savior shined in her before these people who haven't heard about Jesus.

2. She paid for what she didn't owe, trusting God will replace it, even in doubles.

3. God didn't waste her money. He used the opposition to build a muscles of faith in Ate.

As Ate was quoted as saying on the dawn of her wedding day, when she and our other sister went down to the beach and lifted up our hands in worship. 
God, through this missing cash, taught her dependence on Him. 
That He easily gave this job to her and He can easily take it away. 

Her faith in Him is more precious than that missing cash.

"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold..."

- 1 Peter 1:7

Work is worship

I was never a performer.  I was the rebellious type obsessed in defying authority.  But my spiritual life transformed how I work.

First, God changed my mindset towards work.  That work is worship.  Every work is a calling.  Suddenly blinders were shattered.  I no longer work for a lousy boss, I work for God.  I’m no longer paid by a world-renowned bank; God gives me stewardship on every amount that enters my ATM.  I’m no longer watched by CCTV cameras; God’s eyes are on me as I do my job. I no longer have to make an appointment to speak to our HR or Compliance Officer each time I have a complaint; I can call on my Chairman 24/7.  I no longer feel afraid that one day these outsourcing companies will take our jobs away and bring them back to their own country, God is my ultimate CEO.  And when I have urges to slack off, to be late a little, to have a little bit of overbreak, I remember the generosity of my God and how He rightfully deserves to be honored in everything that I do.

It’s quite a mindset blowup!

In 2011, I asked my small groups to pray that I will have good stats.  Good stats meant incentives. Unfortunately, I stayed not far from rank 50 out of 50 employees because I just didn't like what I do.

So we prayed for my stats.  But I mistakenly assumed that just because I’m a child of God, my stats would work for me…without really doing anything.  I prayed and prayed and nothing happened.  
I came running back to God asking what went wrong.  
He lovingly showed me that He was trying to give me opportunity to:
add another skill set, 
exert effort, 
be creative, 
be persevering.

To make long story short, I rose from top 50 to top 10 towards the beginning of 2012. 

When I shared this testimony to those people who prayed for me, I began with, if I ask God for extra money at work and He uses Chase to give me bonus, it’s so easy to think Chase as the Giver.  
But God did more than that. 
He made sure I know at the deepest part of my heart that what happened to me is beyond any human’s doing. He transformed my heart towards work.  Chase can’t do it for me. I can’t do it for myself. My small group can’t do it for me. He gave me joy in what I do. He strengthened me. He encouraged me. He didn't stop reminding me lovingly of my dreams and encouraged me to be patient where I’m at.

The result? The numbers and the blessings paled in comparison to how He completely changed my work life.

God gradually averted my focus on getting incentives. He did not take away the money, He simply destroyed the motivation I am getting from it.  So now I am motivated to work because I want to make God proud, to please Him. And blessings poured and it’s always more than enough.  I enjoyed it but not as much as the joy I find IN him alone.  I am enjoying Him in everything I do. 

I can’t disclose details of my job but my work has a lot to do with numbers that we can’t control. Too many times we gave our best efforts but the customers simply said no. 

Except that I know that it’s not in their hands. It’s in my God’s hands.  So instead of trying to please these customers and the demands of stats that are out of my control, I work to please the One who is in control.  You don't pursue excellence in order to please God. That's backwards. You please God by honoring Him in every thing you do and excellence follows. 

Looking back, one of the fatal misconceptions I had was that God doesn't give a rat about my career. As long as you're a good Christian, you do not need to bother God about your career, plans and dreams. 

How wrong, how wrong!

"...put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." - 1 Timothy6:17

I don't know about you but that speaks a whole lot about God caring about us! 

I wouldn't be foolish to go to anyone or anywhere else but that one Person,  the only One, who deeply wants me to soar and flourish. Not to mention that He's the only One able to do it.