What makes me busy

Today, as I relish my day off, I realize that my facebook and internet activities are ABOUT the things that I value in my life.

God

Family

Relatives

Small group

Girlfriends

Kids Church

Education

These are where my time and energy and resources mostly go.  Not via facebook literally, hehe. 

So when there's an invitation that's not part of this list, they go to the bottom of my priorities.  If an office mate would invite me to watch movies after work on a Saturday, I remember my nephew Nate who stays with us during the weekends and how I only have four opportunities in one month to build a relationship with him.  

Or if cliques from high school would meet up for a drink on a night when I don't have to go anywhere, I imagine the expenses that can buy dinner for the family instead or that can buy something for a lonely tita that I care about.

See,  there are things that I don't do in order to do well what I need to do.  

We only have one life, 16 waking hours, two day off's a week and two paydays in a month.  

And we would want to make the most of it.

What, get a life?

I am.

This is my life: God, my loved-ones, my dreams.  These make me happy.  To live a life dedicated to building relationships within my ability and magnify Jesus' Name in stewardship and relationships.  And until He tells me to come and jump off the boat to a greater territory and greater responsibility, this is where I'm staying.  

- For where your treasure is there your heart will be -

Luke 12:34

Reprimand, Restore, Reward

This weekend I remember a very important lesson that I learned last year.  I heard it in a Classroom Management Class that VCF facilitated for Kids Church and I believe it so strongly that I don't want to pass up a chance to apply it to my life.

"Do not reprimand. Restore."
 
It weighed deeply because I had flashbacks of countless incidents in my life that prove that restoring people works and reprimanding them breaks.

An incident this weekend reminded me of these two choices. 

My cousin who currently stays with us displayed an obsession for money that incited her to be rude to my father. Sometimes when you are disappointed with someone and your temper is flaring up, it feels soooo good to just reprimand.  I was so tired that day from work and I had a choice to just go home, plop into the couch and question and blame and threaten Anna. But our responses to an issue set the direction of the relationship.  I have long observed that reprimanding can be a short cut to drifting apart.


So after I got out of work last Saturday, I asked her to meet me at Chatime near my building.  
I remember how I listened to the adults in my life when I was young about don't do this and don't do that.  But never did I remember them telling me the bottom line. I guess the bottom line for them is simply don't do this and don't do that. To me it didn't work.  I was just reprimanded, but I never understood why.

So when I talked to Anna I made sure I drive the point home and explain to her why her behavior is unacceptable. Mostly I wanted to make sure that the center of our conversation is what is God's say on the issue.

She wrote down what we discussed in four points.

1. Relationship is more important than money
2. The best kind of giving is IN faith
3. God will meet my needs
4. God will never leave me nor forsake me





Based on Anna's facial expression, vibe and responses, I think it went well.  She didn't feel bored nor did she feel she's being bashed. It kinda feels like a liberating moment.  And the reason I noted that is because I came from a night shift and was tad edgy.  When I planned to talk to her all my urges just wanted to reprimand her.  But I prayed before we talk and the way the conversation went is the exact opposite if I am the one directing it. So, praise God who covered us with His grace!



Then on Sunday, we rewarded Nate for being a good boy. 
He is just like any 6 year old that can be stubborn too. 
But we noticed that when you explain things to him and not make him do what you want him to do for no reason, there's RESTORING right there.  You partner with him (for example, he gets to use the desktop if he naps in the afternoon) or you explain the reason why he shouldn't do what he shouldn't do (like it is bad to fight because Jesus tells us to love our enemies), we noticed that he is quick and cheerful to obey.  

I do not know a thing about child psychology but what I learn from Jesus' teachings is that even disciplining is an act of love. And communication is such an important ingredient of a relationship.  I also learn from the mommy blogs that I read, especially my favorite one, that not only you choose to restore over reprimand.

But you also reward.

Weekends

I had a wonderful weekend! 

The most important thing that makes a weekend wonderful for me is RELATIONSHIPS.  Just like my friend Light said, my language of love too is bonding time.

Saturday, I went to the Dedication Day of my friend, Lovely's first baby and I got to see the girlfriends I kept from the past.

With Lovely

With Dean

Sunday lunch I was with my small group. We had our regular session at Mcdo.

Afterwards, we moved to Chatime to celebrate a surprise Scrapbook Birthday Partea of Max, Yanyan's only daughter.

Then I ran off to QC, well, cabbed my way to QC to make it to my cousin Tep's music recital which she herself arranged.  She's the girl on the right wearing a yellow top, giving last-minute instructions to the kids.

This is the WAMES family (except for Iqui who's squatting on the floor) 

Ninong Wenzel (left) is the one who taught his family music. After years of family training and practicing they were able to put up their own music tutorial center.  

Last night, I learned that Tep is pretty much the one running the center now and she's only 22 years old! I am so impressed i want to sleep over to get myself updated on her life. 

I'll definitely blog about it. :)

After a quick after-recital dinner, I cabbed my way to Podium to catch up with these beautiful ladies who were part of a small group I joined at work.

I got home at 3am. 

I couldn't remember the last time I went home at this hour. I used to feel thankful finding everyone asleep because I didn't want them seeing me wasted and reeking of alcohol and cigarettes.  Last night as I switched on the lights, I felt thankful too but a different thankful. 

I literally "aww'd" inwardly as I saw them sleeping heavily, blankets tangled on their bodies.

I can feel God being so generous to find everyone (except for my sissies who were at work) tucked safely at home. 

And I had a quick but strong rush of realization for the nth time about how much God has tremendously transformed my life.

:)

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."

John 10:10

happy birthday!

Never forgetting that everything I am enjoying is blood-bought!

created by my teammate

But really, I didn't have a fancy cake nor a grand party. But my birthday will always be this great as long as the five reasons in this video are present (the fifth one is outside the country, actually.)

my very loving parents

my brother

I was sick

jen

I'm a papa's girl!

my little sister's sweet side

This is where my heart is...

Misdirected sincerity

I remember a story told by a pastor. There was a man who took his wife out on an overnight getaway for their anniversary. He wooed her, charmed her, praised her beauty and made lambing to her.


He told her, “I remember when I first saw you in that restaurant. Your hair looked so beautiful under the bright chandelier.” 


The wife didn’t respond.


The husband continued, “You were so good in writing poetries back then. I wonder why you no longer show them to me lately.”


The wife didn’t respond.


The husband, getting discouraged, asked, “Are you upset with me because we didn’t go to your favorite getaway for our anniversary?”


Suddenly, the wife got angry and before she walked out she said in tears, "I haven't been to that restaurant! I never write poetry! And THIS IS my favorite getaway!" 


Turned out that the husband was referring to a different woman all this time.


The pastor said, “You see, the praises were real. The praises were sincere and heartfelt. But it’s for the wrong person. And sometimes we praise God for something that we make Him out to be and not for who He really is.“




I saw this example in my life just last Sunday. My lola and some of my titas almost wrote me and several of my family members off because of some misunderstandings in the past. Being a lola of course she wouldn’t make the first move to reach out and we refused too so we never visited their place for a long time now.


Last Sunday I summoned all the guts that I have and visited her and my tita. That is like with God.  His relationship with you will also translate into your other relationships.  Even those you don't like. I didn't want ever to go to my lola's house but there's this persistent, gentle beckoning in my heart and so we went.


I oh so dreaded the moment of reaching for her hand so I can bow my head to it (a Filipino tradition of showing respect to the elderly). 


I prayed and prayed hard for grace. When I got there, my lola had just left but I was able to straighten things out with my tita. I went home saying thanks because God answered my prayer and protected me from an encounter with my lola.

Until His still voice spoke in my heart.




That’s not like God at all. God is for restoring relationships. Getting at their house right after lola left is not the answer to my prayer because it’s not going to fix the relationship at all. Real grace that would come from Him is one that you experience right in the battlefield…right when you’re petrified and stubbornly refusing to do what will bring Him glory and you do not have anyone else to back you up.




I pray that one day God will fix this gap in our family. 




After all, all stories in Christ are victorious. 

Jen's one-to-one

Jen and I finished One-to-One today.  One-to-One is a personal discipleship where you discuss spiritual foundation: Salvation, Lordship, Repentance, Baptism, The Bible & Prayer and The Church.

I share my story.

Jen shares hers.

Then we mix our stories with God's story. :)

Both Jen and I are mighty excited with God's activities in our lives and the lives of our family.

Thank you, Lord!!!

Rainy saturday morning at my (not so) secret me-time spot

am on fire this morning...nothing beats talking about God with your family

perfect combination

hearty breakfast

"heartier" conversation

excited about her walk with Christ..

Sweetie, you can't be more excited than God
who's been waiting for you all your life :)

happiest girl

Door to Door

I was asking for directions to Meycauyan, Bulacan when a teammate asked me if I am going there because of church thing. Another teammate overheard us and curiously asked if I preach the gospel by doing door-to-door or if I preach on a public bus.  

http://godeverywhere.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/young-girl-holding-bible.jpg

Had we not been interrupted I would be excited to tell them that that's not how it works anymore.  The goal is still to tell people about who Jesus is and how much the Lord has done for you and me.  No mistake about it.  That will always be the core value of the church. 

But how we do things DOES change.  No one wants a preachy person. No one enjoys being told what to do especially if there are no affections involved. And the Gospel isn't a salestalk.  

We instead build relationships. Discipleship is relationship. Because after all, our lives will be the only Bible for many. 

Jesus in fact let us in on one tip: people will only know that we are His disciples if we love one another. John 13:35

So what did my teammates ask me? 

1. Do I get on a public bus to preach?

- I get on a public blogsite regularly to share day-to-day grace of God that I personally experience.  It's simply hard to contain it.

2. Do I do door-to-door and INTRODUCE who my Lord is?

- I do door-to-door on the issues in my own life and REMIND MYSELF who my Lord is. For example:

1. Will I feel offended if a family member won't give up the PC for me?

2. Should I hold back my savings from my own father who needs money for other kids he's taking care of?

3. Should I omit the smiley face in my text message to Jen as I tell her what upset mom this afternoon to  show her I am irritated at her?

Build relationships. The actions we take tell a lot about who the Lord is in our lives.  And of all the lords out there, there is only one true Lord who tells His people to love, love, love. 

His Name is Jesus.  ♥ ♥ ♥

Involved! Way, way involved!

God is shockingly personal. 

Off the top of my head I named my top 5 persons that care about me. None of them compares to how God is so heavily involved in my life.

None of them would care the way He cares, would happily dream big dreams for me the way He does.  None of them would sink into concern deeper than what God feels about the matters of my life. And none of them would die for me.

For a God, I'm gonna say it again, He is shockingly personal!

Tell me, who is more involved in your life than the Person described in the text below?

You have searched me, LORD, 

   and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; 

   you perceive my thoughts from afar. 

You discern my going out and my lying down; 

  you are familiar with with all my ways. 

Before a word is on my tongue 

   you, LORD, know it completely. 

You hem me in behind and before, 

   and you lay your hand upon me. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

   too lofty for me to attain.

For you created my inmost being; 

   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

   your works are wonderful, 

   I know that full well. 

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place

   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; 

   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 

   before one of them came to be. 

— 

   when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-6 / 13-19

Rules versus Relationship

When my tita Linda died, inviting her children to our house for the summer seems the nicest thing to do at that right moment. It's noble and I'm excited.  I'm finally being called to do my ministry. Their arrival is perfect timing--Walkway just started.  I swore to do exactly what I was trained. Discipleship is relationship. Oh how excited I am to minister to them. I mentally noted to never scare them off with heavy religiousness.  The mission is to introduce Jesus.  To mix the Gospel with Katy Perry, Korean fashion, Facebook, Transformers, etc.  Then there would be pre-teens church services, afternoon stroll and late night bonding afterwards, perfect for discipling would-be teenagers who just lost their mom.  Oooh... I can hardly contain my excitement!


The reality however is a stark contrast.


The happy feeling started to wear off.  I was horrified when God showed me the true conditions of my heart.


As the bills mounted, so was my stress.  Much to my friggin late realization, I yelled at Arlene for being choosy on the food.  I spoke to Anna in a harsh tone when she played PC games straight for 24 hours (hardly worrying about her health, but very concerned with Meralco.)  In a span of few days my ulilang cousins oh so heartbreaking all disappeared. 
In place were three menaces who wrecked the house, dirtied the bathroom floors I painstakingly scrubbed, racked up the Meralco bill, stained all the heavy comforters with pentel pen, food stains, period and whatnot.  


When I realized that I got exhausted juggling three kids and three adults and sub-leveling our bills (which I really suck at), I suddenly felt what you must be feeling as you read the paragraph right before this. DISGUSTED. 


I am so disgusted with me for feeling that way. 


But God, like a dear Father that He is, didn't accuse me with what I felt against these kids.  Sure, He shows you how disgusting your heart is but He fixes you.  If you're willing, He fixes you. 


I want to say I ran to my Father's lap and cried and whined about what a failure I am to my cousins.  But of course that would sound fiction.  
But that's what it felt like as I prayed to Him.  
I want to say He comforted me and gently showed me the way but of course that would sound another fiction. 
But the activities in my heart which most people would call conviction felt exactly like that.


When I attended a classroom management training for Kids Church, more truth emerged. I learned that we should always prefer restoration over reprimand.  And that's when it all made sense. I finally put a name to the nagging feeling in my heart.  It finally hit bottomline: Rules versus relationships.




Oh if i could sit with you right now, we would probably never run out of examples of rules-versus-relationships moments in our lives. It's all over your household when your tita harshly makes sermon at you over some petty things, etc.  


Rules-versus-relationship moments are active in governments, Churches and in any human interaction you have.  We may hardly realize it but the reality is rules are becoming more precious than relationships.


"Just follow the rules! I don't care how you feel, i don't care if you don't understand why we have this rule, I don't care if I'm angry right now and speaking in harsh tones already, I don't care if this is making you feel obligated and is not helping your growth, I don't care if it's forming a wall between us and is destroying our relationship, i don't care how I'm hurting you right now, JUST FOLLOW THE RULES!"


And one of the many things I love about God? It's after He shows you the conditions of your heart, He gives you the opportunity to start anew.


My cousins supposedly have gone home two weeks ago.  But their stay was prolonged for some reason and I was given a chance to get to know them more.  I don't know how they feel about me now especially since first impression lasts.  And I bet their first impression of me is snappish and stern and naggish. But I know how I now feel about them when Ryan showed me the new Meralco bill a few days ago which almost tripled our monthly payment. Nanlumo ako sure as I mentally calculated my next paycheck. I value the rules because they're in place to protect us and keep things in order. But I value the relationship too.  It's just up to me to decide that on a crucial moment, which of these I value more.


The kids and I ended up tangled on the floor breathlessly tickling each other and the meralco bill which was dropped on the floor became a hazy sight as I tickled back.


There's always a life-changing stuff out of any interaction.  Summer with these kids revealed to me once more about the kind of God I have. I avoided God in the first 24 years of my life because He's so stern and has so many heavy rules that I just couldn't keep up with.  Church was scary. So many rituals and rules to keep up with.


Exhausting. 


But through Jesus, He shows us that on top of these rules carved on stone tablet lies what He really cares about the most: relationship.


And when I get that, then from the relationship, rules will be happily adhered to. 

2010 highlights

God's gift for me on my birthday?

RELATIONSHIP

First, with Him.

And then the rest, SEE BELOW :)

awesome experience at EN10
AMAZING GRACE sung in 60 languages
like a scene in Revelation where every tongue and every knee will bow down

Different races...different background..different nations
but worshiping
ONE GOD

Kuya Aris' bowling night for his birthday
a few months after he and papa had their worst fight ever

Spa at Tagaytay with my small group and I.
We surrendered to God all our insecurities and flushed them in the toilet.

Insecurity dinner at Tagaytay with smallgroup

met great friends at Chase

Celebrated fathers day with papa, mama, jen and nate
Celebrated my first anniversary with Jesus

First Roots
Blown away with God's revelations

Sunday girls out with Brigs after not seeing each other for over a year

Got in at Chase--an oh so prayed for job, location, basic salary, job scope, etc.
and oh so answered. :)

Relationship Month
Confessed everything to Brigs. Told them about my new relationship with Christ

Relationship Month
Bday celebration with Team Singa

Tagaytay with mighty women of God

Relationship Month
Bday lunch with Katips

Relationship month
First date with parents

Relationship Month
Confessed everything to Katips and
told them about my new relationship with Christ.

rhonz so fun bbq party

Relationship Month
Confessed everything to Jen and told her about my new relationship with Christ.

Van--discipled me, blessed me, loved me, accepted me...
helps me grow deeper in Christ

Relationship Month
Bonding with the Ligot Sisters

doodling during break at Victory Weekend
...and oh yes, my VICTORY WEEKEND, yay!

My water baptism
Public declaration that I am a follower of Christ.

In Christ, no more defeated lives!