Things I should tell myself when I sin and can't get out

1. How I see things will change including God. Perspectives will be tainted, what I used to know will feel uncertain. But that does not mean God changed.

2. Some things are eternal, some are not. God is eternal, man is not. God's promise reverberates all over the universe, an irreversible divine seal that silences all heavens. Man's promise will sound hollow on earth's ground and can faint in time. So when you sin and you want to get right up by going back to His promises don't ever compare His intentions in His promises to a man's.

3. He calls me precious and beloved even in my ugliest state. No one would pick me up because of my filth. Only He would. Only He did. He loved me in my ugliest state, He can't love me more nor love me less.

4. I'm caught up in a battle of sin. But this is God's battle. And the battle's won 2000 years ago. Sin can entice me, touch me and delude me. But it can no longer enslave me.

5. There's no other hero. Who am I to think that someone else can save? Only God saves the day.

6. When I sin I'm so filled with guilt, the easiest route is to hide and stay away. I see Him as an all-flaming, powerful God ready to punish me. I'm afraid that God is gonna come after me. And my sin just keeps deluding me and keeps playing wrong pictures of God: The bible, sermons, Christian blogs and wisdom from spiritual family will suddenly feel contemptuous. They're gonna judge me. They're gonna command me to stop doing things I should not be doing. So I'm gonna hide out in my room. Not ready, hating myself, feeling like a failure. I would feel hopeless that I'm never gonna change. That Jesus picked the wrong girl to save, that He's gonna be humiliated because I'm not cross-material after all. But God's gonna come after me alright. As a loving, gentle, forgiving dad. He's gonna knock into my heart and He will be saying something like:

"Hey. You there? I brought you food. I'll be right here if you need me."

7. Stay the course. Even if you've been sinning, stay the course that leads to God. Even if it's just 30 seconds of prayer in your loveless and sinful state. Don't stop those prayers that consist only two words like, "help me." He's not gonna think to Himself "help your face." C'mom, you know your God better than that. And for all you know, help is on its way even before you uttered your prayers. You can't see it but because you belong to God, you're covered all along. Always have, always will.

8. So in my sinful state, He's not gonna demand I do great things and save myself. He's not gonna demand I change myself. He's not gonna accuse me that it's my fault for not memorizing His word. He'll be like  50FirstDates-- patient until I come to my senses and fall in love with Him again. In fact, He's more than that. He will be rewiring me while I sleep. Cleansing me even in those 30second prayers. He knows how the story will play out. He saved me. When you're saved, you're saved. There's not gonna be any twist or conflict that God overlooked.

9. Yes, absolutely He will deliver. Guaranteed He will renew your mind.

10. So get back up. Don't stay away from salvation. There's not gonna be guilt in His presence. Only love. Only grace.

11. God's love is a consuming fire. It's not gonna be in a passive state, standing on a corner waiting to be loved back. It will consume you. All of you. And you can never run away from that.

12. Finally, while you are overwhelmed with all these thoughts, look at the Cross. Don't be bored with the cross. Don't be unimpressed. Look at the cross long enough until you're "re-convinced" you are loved. If in your sinful state it's hard to appreciate the Cross, you believe it but the feeling is just not there, God will renew your mind anyway and when He does and you're back on your feet, still look at the Cross. It's because of that you were affirmed and reaffirmed.

When you have turned...

I was having daily dose of stuff from desiringgod.org when this single verse stopped me in my mental tracks.

"But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.  

And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." 

Luke 22:31

I paused long enough to gaze at the beauty of Jesus.  Life is distracting already as it is that's why I cherish these pauses. 


Fresh from my heart, without proofreading or editing, are some of the thoughts below that come to mind as I read and re-read that text.


1. Why, Jesus is the King of the universe! Why He isn't arrogant or sarcastic or power-tripping on Simon? Why doesn't He make sumbat?




2. Jesus is so humble!




3. "...And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." 


Oh those words! So loving! So patient! So forgiving!
Jesus knows Simon will deny Him in just a few hours. But why is He so gentle, so loving? If you read the first part of the text, Jesus says, "Simon, Simon, Satan demanded to have you...."  In the bible, whenever God calls a person by his/her name twice it's always in the context of a loving patience. Sort of like an endearment. 




4. Can't help but relate it to my own life. I'm only 27 years old. There are thousands of sins that I will do starting this very moment up to the day I draw my last breath. Who knows how terrible they may get? 




5. But God knows. He knows what will happen on each day of my life before it happens (Psalm 139:16) But why this so much love? Why be forgiven in advance? Why make the highest value of heavens enter this ugly world? 




6. So it shakes me to the core whenever this thought sinks in:  what kind of God He is.




7.  I look at the Cross and there I find the answer.

Jen's birthday and water baptism

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free INDEED."

John 8:36

happy birthday!

the rest of my catholic family joined and showed their support
...perhaps placing their trust in Christ alone even if they don't
understand some things.

Jen's victory weekend. Ministry Time

...because really, discipleship is relationship.

can't contain the joy

with our dear Pastor D

Sonja's!!!

capped it off at North Park with family

Jen's friends' wishes and bday greetings

Papa's love note

oh so true... in Christ alone!

little surprises

i ironed my hair! she knows it! and i love this pesky sister of mine! :)

now jen know what baptism represents and does not represent
HAPPY DAY!!!

Thank You, Lord!!!

Wrong brand of napkins, grrr!!!!

Does it often happen to you? You know when someone did you a favor but causing you inconvenience in the process? Like the mom who had the laundry picked up which included your blue cardigan that’s supposed to complete your ensemble that day? Or the sister who bought the wrong brand of napkins?

Sounds bratty?

Come on, every once in a while something can tick us off. After all, we don’t live in a perfect world where pet peeves don’t exist. Do you notice how we tend to dramatize our reasons or be protective of our convenience that a mere slight needs to be punished or at least verbalized?  So before we can even stop ourselves there goes a glare, a sharp tone, a hint of sarcasm, etc.   

I deserve to be angry!

My reaction is understandable!

I'm sure you can appreciate my frustration!

But peeve is actually beside my point. It is gratefulness that I am driving at.

Something about being grateful struck me when I recalled those incidents in my examples above. I was so bent on expressing my annoyance that it didn't even occur to me that mom made an effort to take care of our laundry or my sister was just trying to do what she’s told.

So it got me into thinking...we express gratefulness in several ways but I don't think it is defined just by profusely thanking a person. Perhaps it's embodied in the sayings “one good turn deserves another” and "paying it forward".  But for me there’s a deeper form of gratefulness than these.

I think the true test of gratefulness lies in the capacity to forgive.

Because, really, when you think about it gratefulness isn’t something that can be seen with a naked eye like giving special treatment to the person you’re grateful to. The real beauty of gratefulness is something that only you and the Lord can see. And it is best provoked when you’re provoked. It’s being on the verge to snap at someone yet you control yourself.  It is cutting the other person some slack because you remember something that you have anyway, like the laundry being taken care of even if it spoiled your Tuesday getup.  It’s choking back harsh words because you choose to be grateful for the favors instead.

What, am I supposed to force myself to be kind now to this irritating person just because I’m grateful to another? Hey, it's not wrong to be irritated sometimes, right?

I asked myself as I write this.

Not entirely accurate. More like irritated or not I can choose to motivate myself to be as kind as I could not because of the other person but because of the Source of all favors.

The Cross is an active reminder of showing kindness to our neighbor. It strengthens us to be forgiving and also reminds us that we were shown kindness first…kindness that we do not, ever, deserve.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’

- Matthew 18:32-35

** Dedicated to mom and my sister – two of the dearest people in my life yet always get the worst of me **