Dad stops the fight between two sisters

On a beautiful morning, a failed promise made me blow my top.  I yelled at my sister for a 10minute peace alone in the bedroom because I was seething with anger. I slammed the door after her.  I felt hot tears of anger on my face.  The next thing I know was waking up at 7 in the evening. I gargled, turned on the PC right away and sent a bitchy fb message to jenny as if there was no 8 hour sleep in between. 

The next morning, I had planned on quickly checking my facebook but ended up sending another message to my sister: 

Hi sis, 

Please disregard the letter above because of the conversation below:

Him: why are you angry again?

Me: because to be behind on all household bills together is one thing. and completely another, to be the only one worrying about it while the other earners in the family have the choice to give how much they can give. it's as if i don't have a choice. it's as if my salary is spoken for.

Him: why are you angry again?

Me: I just said...

Him: ..that you're worrying? Would you be angry if you're not worrying? Would you be worrying if you did not forget about Me and what I can do in your family?

me: I'm just getting them to work with me. But it's not working, Lord. I tried. I wrote them so many letters.

me: So now I plan to teach them a lesson. The hard way. I want na maputulan kami ng kuryente. I want angry letters from the landlady. I want dry faucets. And I'll save the money in my bank. I bet that'll teach them a lesson. When they learned the lesson then I'll help them pay everything with the money I saved.

Him: ...and be uncomfortable at home? Live in a house full of stressed people? and make it easier for everyone to be angry and impatient with each other?

me: just teaching them a lesson

Him: They might get the lesson. But what do you think is going to happen to the relationship?

me: Lord, this is hard....

Him: Pray. Pray for cheerfulness to serve your family. Stay in that situation. It might get harder down the road, you will not know. But stay in that situation. Wait until I'm done. If you stay and trust, I will turn your pain into praises. 

me: How do I stay, Lord?

Him: Love...

I did not pray, sis. I don't know how in the world a conversation just occured between God and me in my heart when I was in the middle of angrily making plans. Plans to hurt you guys to make a point. I even planned to move in with my officemate. But for every plan I was devising, that "small voice" we're so familiar with kept butting in. Some call it conscience or guilt. But I recognize the voice of the Shepherd who's at work in my heart...my heart that's oh so full of panunumbat at pagkkwenta.

Amazing that even when you hide from Him because you're misbehaving, He brings you back to His embrace.  Do you believe that God embraces you even when you're angry and wickedly cold? 

The dialogue above (though I used rhetorics) pretty much summarizes what God's embrace entails. 

Wrong brand of napkins, grrr!!!!

Does it often happen to you? You know when someone did you a favor but causing you inconvenience in the process? Like the mom who had the laundry picked up which included your blue cardigan that’s supposed to complete your ensemble that day? Or the sister who bought the wrong brand of napkins?

Sounds bratty?

Come on, every once in a while something can tick us off. After all, we don’t live in a perfect world where pet peeves don’t exist. Do you notice how we tend to dramatize our reasons or be protective of our convenience that a mere slight needs to be punished or at least verbalized?  So before we can even stop ourselves there goes a glare, a sharp tone, a hint of sarcasm, etc.   

I deserve to be angry!

My reaction is understandable!

I'm sure you can appreciate my frustration!

But peeve is actually beside my point. It is gratefulness that I am driving at.

Something about being grateful struck me when I recalled those incidents in my examples above. I was so bent on expressing my annoyance that it didn't even occur to me that mom made an effort to take care of our laundry or my sister was just trying to do what she’s told.

So it got me into thinking...we express gratefulness in several ways but I don't think it is defined just by profusely thanking a person. Perhaps it's embodied in the sayings “one good turn deserves another” and "paying it forward".  But for me there’s a deeper form of gratefulness than these.

I think the true test of gratefulness lies in the capacity to forgive.

Because, really, when you think about it gratefulness isn’t something that can be seen with a naked eye like giving special treatment to the person you’re grateful to. The real beauty of gratefulness is something that only you and the Lord can see. And it is best provoked when you’re provoked. It’s being on the verge to snap at someone yet you control yourself.  It is cutting the other person some slack because you remember something that you have anyway, like the laundry being taken care of even if it spoiled your Tuesday getup.  It’s choking back harsh words because you choose to be grateful for the favors instead.

What, am I supposed to force myself to be kind now to this irritating person just because I’m grateful to another? Hey, it's not wrong to be irritated sometimes, right?

I asked myself as I write this.

Not entirely accurate. More like irritated or not I can choose to motivate myself to be as kind as I could not because of the other person but because of the Source of all favors.

The Cross is an active reminder of showing kindness to our neighbor. It strengthens us to be forgiving and also reminds us that we were shown kindness first…kindness that we do not, ever, deserve.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’

- Matthew 18:32-35

** Dedicated to mom and my sister – two of the dearest people in my life yet always get the worst of me **