Things I should tell myself when I sin and can't get out

1. How I see things will change including God. Perspectives will be tainted, what I used to know will feel uncertain. But that does not mean God changed.

2. Some things are eternal, some are not. God is eternal, man is not. God's promise reverberates all over the universe, an irreversible divine seal that silences all heavens. Man's promise will sound hollow on earth's ground and can faint in time. So when you sin and you want to get right up by going back to His promises don't ever compare His intentions in His promises to a man's.

3. He calls me precious and beloved even in my ugliest state. No one would pick me up because of my filth. Only He would. Only He did. He loved me in my ugliest state, He can't love me more nor love me less.

4. I'm caught up in a battle of sin. But this is God's battle. And the battle's won 2000 years ago. Sin can entice me, touch me and delude me. But it can no longer enslave me.

5. There's no other hero. Who am I to think that someone else can save? Only God saves the day.

6. When I sin I'm so filled with guilt, the easiest route is to hide and stay away. I see Him as an all-flaming, powerful God ready to punish me. I'm afraid that God is gonna come after me. And my sin just keeps deluding me and keeps playing wrong pictures of God: The bible, sermons, Christian blogs and wisdom from spiritual family will suddenly feel contemptuous. They're gonna judge me. They're gonna command me to stop doing things I should not be doing. So I'm gonna hide out in my room. Not ready, hating myself, feeling like a failure. I would feel hopeless that I'm never gonna change. That Jesus picked the wrong girl to save, that He's gonna be humiliated because I'm not cross-material after all. But God's gonna come after me alright. As a loving, gentle, forgiving dad. He's gonna knock into my heart and He will be saying something like:

"Hey. You there? I brought you food. I'll be right here if you need me."

7. Stay the course. Even if you've been sinning, stay the course that leads to God. Even if it's just 30 seconds of prayer in your loveless and sinful state. Don't stop those prayers that consist only two words like, "help me." He's not gonna think to Himself "help your face." C'mom, you know your God better than that. And for all you know, help is on its way even before you uttered your prayers. You can't see it but because you belong to God, you're covered all along. Always have, always will.

8. So in my sinful state, He's not gonna demand I do great things and save myself. He's not gonna demand I change myself. He's not gonna accuse me that it's my fault for not memorizing His word. He'll be like  50FirstDates-- patient until I come to my senses and fall in love with Him again. In fact, He's more than that. He will be rewiring me while I sleep. Cleansing me even in those 30second prayers. He knows how the story will play out. He saved me. When you're saved, you're saved. There's not gonna be any twist or conflict that God overlooked.

9. Yes, absolutely He will deliver. Guaranteed He will renew your mind.

10. So get back up. Don't stay away from salvation. There's not gonna be guilt in His presence. Only love. Only grace.

11. God's love is a consuming fire. It's not gonna be in a passive state, standing on a corner waiting to be loved back. It will consume you. All of you. And you can never run away from that.

12. Finally, while you are overwhelmed with all these thoughts, look at the Cross. Don't be bored with the cross. Don't be unimpressed. Look at the cross long enough until you're "re-convinced" you are loved. If in your sinful state it's hard to appreciate the Cross, you believe it but the feeling is just not there, God will renew your mind anyway and when He does and you're back on your feet, still look at the Cross. It's because of that you were affirmed and reaffirmed.

A puddle of grasp of an ocean of love

I wasn't purchased 

with gold or silver. 

I was purchased 

by the blood 

of the Son of the Most High.

So much was paid 

for a worthless speck of dust 

like me.

And I thought 

the sea was too great, 

when what I'm looking at 

was just a tiny piece 

of the waters of the earth.

The same way I am overwhelmed 

with Your love 

I think already oh so big 

when, really, this is but 

a glimpse.

Prayer spot

Living in the metro is so noisy. There are hundreds of distractions a day. It's so hard to tune out all these noises to hear His voice.  I always imagine a life that is simple. There's no pressure and stress to become the person that the culture forces you to be. 

A life where there's no oil film, lip gloss, facebook, Blackberry and charger, podcasts and wifi, savings, travel package, new restaurants, Electricity bill, etc.  I didn't say I don't want them.  I only mean that without all these other things that stimulate our other desires, it would be so easier to wholeheartedly desire God. 

There's a dimension of time and space wherein I believe prayer and worship are not complicated and not dependent on circumstances.

But here in the metro, it's so noisy. 

That's why when I close my eyes and meet with my Maker, I disappear to this place.

source

Getaway with God

Last weekend, I was on a getaway with God.

It was an amazing encounter! Felt like a dozen times overwhelming than those group retreats that churches facilitate. 

I was shaking in wonder and worship.

What God revealed to me that day deserves its own separate post.

In the meantime, I will never forget this weekend of being alone with God.  I am regularly alone with God in my quiet time, but the remoteness of the place makes it all the more special and more impactful.  Back in the metro there are hundreds of things that distract me. But when I filed my vacation leave, hopped on a bus to take a 6 hour trip to a place bringing nothing with me but my bible and my blackberry with the network signal turned off containing my downloaded podcasts, God feels so near and so clear. 

"I must decrease so He can increase."

- John 3:30

Just me, Yourself and the sky.

In troubles and in joys...Your love is steadfast.

Two weeks ago, I declared a prayer and fasting week to myself for two things: 


1. Papa's facing trouble with his landlord
2. My ate's safe arrival at home




Last Friday which is the last day of my fast, I was at home getting ready to sleep when mama received a call that there were policemen inside papa's apartment. They smashed the doors, took the roof down and broke things here and there.  The chaos even wounded my cousin's toddler.


Both my mom and I were filled with panic because after the call, we couldn't get a hold of them and we don't know what's happening there.  We felt helpless waiting for the phone to ring or for our cell phones to beep. 


I couldn't wait any longer so I ran inside the bedroom to call out on God.  


Then I burst into tears. 


Not because of fear but because I remember how I cheated on my fast. They were not tears of shame though. They were tears of being overwhelmed with God's love.  Instead of God in-your-facing to me how I EASILY abandoned my fast and EASILY came running back to Him in need, He made me feel so loved and so protected. There's this incredible peace that filled me that moment.


Oh the joy of having God as your very loving and protective and mighty Dad!


What stunned me is how His love is steadfast in this time of trouble and in joy two days later when my ate arrived home after almost two years.


Amazing God!!!

Quiet Time

No work last night so after I got the day-to-day stuff squared away, I found another perfect spot where I can do my favorite me-time activity: quiet time.

Been freewriting on my notepad for an hour now but I couldn't piece them together. Heart is overflowing with praises and thanks. Bible verses (which I see as mental love post-its like those a sweetheart leaves all over your house to assure you of his love) have been flashing in my head. I couldn't get my thoughts straight.

I look at the trees around me, I see YOU.

I feel the hot afternoon breeze, I feel YOU.

I look back from where 2010 began, I recall all YOUR kindness and love.

I peek at 2011, I am excited about what YOU'RE planning for me.

I am always, always choked and overwhelmed with YOUR love for me and my little heart couldn't contain these praises and worship.

Ohmigosh! I don't wanna stop bragging about this great God whose love is so great that to even begin to think about it...already puts tears in my eyes.